Change is Constant

'Til Next Time

2007-11-07T22:09:00.000-08:00

Blobbity blah, it was fun while it lasted, my journey ends here, I made this blog b/c yadeeyada, etc., etc..

Just keedeeng.

The blogosphere has definitely made me a steadfast writer/typer. Laying out introspective thoughts has put my unconscious traits into a post, making me learn more about myself.

I'm selfless now. I'm in a relationship where I learn from my partner, who means more than the world (btw, I'm past the infatuation phase). School, a relationship 'n more introspection are a bit too overwhelming (time-wise) for me to put into words, 'n I'm sure you all understand that. I'm not saying: "I have a life, 'n I don't need to blog," necessarily, but time is crucial, as I'm getting super old (don't hate me; I'm just keedeeng).

So, you know the world according to Doug, 'n Doug according to the text he posted for you to read. Like I've said before, I thank the readers for reading about the exclusive details in my life that others don't know, 'n never will.

Have a good one, 'n don't count on me coming back.

Well, maybe I will; post college Doug 'n his career might make a good read.

...

Free College

2007-08-25T09:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Student:

Congratulations! You have been eligible to receive the College Fee Waiver benefits under the provisions of the California Education code, Section 66025.3. These benefits are provided to you by a grateful State of California to recognize the sacrifices made by a veteran while serving our country with honor.

Having been found eligible for benefits, means that you will not be required to pay any mandatory system wide enrollment or registration fees, while attending either: 1) a California Community College, 2) a campus of the State University (Cal State) system, or 3) a campus of the University of California (UC) system. Many California colleges and universities have campus-based and extension fees which may not be waived. Contact staff at your school's Veterans Affairs Office for additional information and provide them with a copy of this letter.

Make sure that you present this letter to your schools Veterans Affairs/Financial Aid Office

Well ain't this dandy? My classes are waived this whole year!!! I'm so grateful that my dad still cares enough to make life easier on his sons while they're in college.

First Day of Fall Semester

2007-08-20T22:20:00.000-07:00

My first class started at 9am, 'n I was already late, as there was traffic going up north on the 125 freeway. The parking lot was full, 'n stalking students walking to their car was necessary to find a parking spot (well, at least I asked one person if he was leaving). As I step on campus, I already see familiar faces from high school, but I didn't have enough time for small talk.

I walked into my 3D Art class while the professor was going over the syllabus. I look around the room 'n see a vast age difference among the students; freshmen like me were sitting next to middle-aged folks. The exercise we did today consisted of green peanut-shaped/sized Styrofoam 'n toothpicks, 'n the object of this exercise was to create the tallest structure w/ the limited amount of material given for extra credit. W/ my unorganized triangular base, my leaning tower couldn't get any higher than 2.5 feet.

My art class is 3 hours long, but since it was the first day, we were let out early, 'n that left me 2 hours 'n 30 minutes to kill until my next class. Where to go? One of the smoking areas on campus. There I saw a lot of familiar faces walk by, 'n I met a lot of new folks lounging in the shade, dragging a cigarette. Now I know the meaning of a social smoker, as I met interesting folks; some young as 18 'n some old as 50, 'n they all have different stories to tell. But I didn't spend my 2.5 hours smoking my lungs out (I plan on going cold turkey for my b/f anyway). A guy I met during summer session was there (it's a small campus, I remind you) 'n he had his skateboard, 'n I had my skating shoes. I spent a good amount of time skating, sweating, 'n falling on my ass in front of MANY college kids 'n faculty.

Time went on, ass cheekbones thumped concrete floor, 'n I had to head to my next class: Child Growth 'n Development. The class was full of women, 'n only four guys; almost all of the females were VERY attractive, I might add. In an environment where I'm surrounded by grown women, I tend to be very comfortable, so I was quick to introduce myself to my tablemates, 'n entertain them as I tried to convince them that the name on the bridge of my binder was not mine. My professor is a laid-back 'n down-to-earth, funny lady. She was in a women's rights activist group back in her days. She claimed that she was a bit of a hippy, 'n I called her out in front of the whole class that the peace sign earrings gave that part away. I'm really excited about this class, as we'll learn about behavior of people from birth to adolescence. This class reminds me of a more accelerated course of my Human Psychology class back in high school, as there are open discussions, even personal ones.

Thankfully, that class was only an hour 'n fifteen minutes long, but I only had fifteen minutes until my next class: Intro to Psychology. I didn't have enough time to get a snack, as the lines are long in the bookstore 'n the student center. My professor is someone you don't want to test. I already see that he's irritated of students sitting in the back (I sit in the front of my classes like a good boy!). He emphasized how this class is more than just a general ed course; it's a major transfer class, which is exactly why I'm in this class: I'm trying to transfer to a University, 'n this class is equivalent to the Psy120 at SDSU.

I left campus around 3:30pm, 'n looked forward to going to my b/f's house for some homemade buffalo chicken that he cooked. The chicken was orgasmic.

Work

2007-08-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

I just started working 'n already there are people that are trying my patience. I'm all for customer service, 'n wholeheartedly feel that customers should always feel welcomed w/ a genuine smile 'n friendly attitude from the workers - just so long as those customers know how to speak English 'n not be assholes. Yes, I'm new, 'n no, I can't work as fast as those who've been working here longer than I have - you're lucky I'm making my food right in front of you, otherwise I'd spit in it (no, I wouldn't do that even if I was working in the back kitchen; there'll be cameras watching me!). I also don't like people that don't know how to read, but point to everything that that person wants. I know Subway's a pretty liberal restaurant, but only to a certain extent, so please don't tell the workers that you want two 'n a half more tomatoes just for your preference.

I'm just venting a bit, but overall, I can't complain, b/c my co-workers are nice people 'n are truly team players; everyone is time-proficient by helping others out w/ customers, or just help setting up. I already feel like I'm on the team, like I was back then in my high school wrestling team. There's a growing comradere between me 'n my co-workers/teammates. I feel guilty when my shift ends as I see my co-workers keep making those sandwiches; I felt the same when I had to leave practice early for a doctor's appointment.

All in all, I can't complain about my first job. I can't wait for my first paycheck!

You Wanted a Footlong?

2007-08-10T12:07:00.001-07:00

Today was my first day of training at Subway, 'n it wasn't so bad. I learned how to bake bread, score dough, 'n make sammiches; I just got done eating a sub I made myself! Hopefully the schedule will work w/ my school schedule. My manager is a very nice 'n young lady, 'n my co-workers are OK. I work along w/ a girl that went to my school, 'n a 16 y/o guy that uses the word "gay" as a derogatory term for every single thing, which doesn't bother me; he's still young, but taller than me dammit!

Btw, I was e-mailed back about my English sample writing that I did to challenge my assessment, 'n am now in English 110!

FALL!

2007-08-09T14:15:00.000-07:00

Fall semester of school starts on the the 20th of this month 'n I'm VERY excited. I was helped by my partner when choosing my classes, 'n it's a kick-ass schedule.

Mondays 'n Wednesdays:

9-11:50am: ART129 (3D Design)
12:30-1:45pm: CD125 (Child Growth and Development)
2-3:15pm: PSY120 (Introductory Psychology)

Tuesdays 'n Thursdays:

9-11:50am: ART124 (Drawing I)
1-3:50pm: ART120 (2D Design)

Yeap, three art classes, as my major is art, but the other two are in respect of the classes I need to have in order to get a degree in education (I'm trying to be an art teacher). I've no core classes, which is fine, b/c I can just take those during the spring 'n summer.

Speaking of core classes, I took my assessment two days ago, 'n I'm placed in Math 103 or 110, but in English 098!!! My raw score was 49 for the English section 'n I need 51 to get into English 110. I challenged that today, 'n had to write a one page essay of one out of three given topics. I wrote two 'n a half pages, 'n will be getting an e-mail back to see if I qualify for 110. Wish me luck!

Relieved 'n Stronger

2007-08-07T21:50:00.000-07:00

It's confusing, 'n it's also scary: Being so close to someone you love yet so far away; knowing that your partner doesn't want you to touch him/her b/c of the wrong-doings 'n hurt you've caused; not having to kiss your lover's lips b/c you know you don't deserve it, 'n the only thing you want is the intimate touch you've taken for granted.

The scary part is when you feel like the person you love becomes an anonymous monster to terrorize you, but you have to stay 'n take it b/c you've sinned. It really was hell, as I had to ask for a hug that felt so good, 'n comforting, yet at the same time dangerous. Tears didn't mean anything to the hurt 'n heartless (oxymoron) monster, b/c the pain sprayed emotion-free protection all over his heart. I didn't even trust my partner for a second, but this was reciprocity. The truth was forced out of me. Lies that left my tongue from before were squeezed out from my heart; that was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.

A hug never felt so good when you know a person means it, 'n a kiss never felt anything less of bliss when you yearn for it as much as a dog would yearn for a dog biscuit glued right on top of it's muzzle. The face of the monster slowly became recognizable, as the touch became sincere 'n the kisses healed my pain - but I was still guilty. I'm just so happy that things were resolved, 'n new beginnings strengthened a relationship.

I never want to feel so distant to someone that I've gone through so much w/. I never want to hurt him again. I never want to be hurt b/c of the pain I caused. I never want to go through that again.

(Thanks for the sincerity, everyone. But who the fuck are you, Travis???)

F*ck-up

2007-08-06T23:25:00.000-07:00

I'm a:

FAKE

LIAR

FONEY

2-FACE

CHEATER

UNAPPRECIATIVE BAD BOYFRIEND

Have you ever cried in fetal position for 15+ minutes? It's a fucking bitch. Know what's worst? Crying while your partner tells you how much of a bad person you are. I hope me crying in fetal position 'n trying hard to catch my breath meant something. I not only cried out of guilt, 'n shame, but also b/c of realization; I realized how much this person has given me - which was pretty much everything; his whole heart 'n life.

Can I be forgiven? I don't deserve it, but I want to make up for it. I don't even know if he'll ever trust me enough to give me another chance to prove what he means to me.

I can't be trusted, so don't ever fall for my facade. I'll set you up to make you fall; I'll make you love me for you to be disappointed.

I know I'm better than this, though. I'm a young human.

Drivia (Diva Trivia)

2007-07-29T13:52:00.000-07:00

Diva. The word derives from an ancient Italian word meaning"goddess" which, in turn, derives from the feminine form of a Latin word divus, meaning "divine one." How appropriate! The term diva was originally used for great female opera singers, almost always sopranos. The dictionary defines a diva as a "usually glamorous 'n successful performer or personality."

But no matter what definition you use for this unique four-letter word, there's no denying that the divas to whom we pay tribute have had an impact on our history, our culture, 'n our community.

I learned that after attending a performance by the San Diego Gay Men's Chorus at the Jewish Community Center in La Jolla. The b/f treated me to front row seats, where I almost had reach of touching Barbara Streisand - or a guy in a dress 'n wig that looked, sounded, 'n acted EXACTLY like Barbara.

The performance was ecstatic, fun, 'n most of all FABULOUS! (That word rubbed off on me after the show). 60-something different-looking men gave an outstanding performance as they sang hits from divas, like Josephine Baker, Marlene Dietrich, Billie Holiday, Andrews Sisters, Patti LaBelle, Aretha Franklin, Tina Turner, Diana Ross, Donna Summer(!), Ethel Merman, Liza Minnelli, 'n more of the like. Every medley had me tapping my foot, bobbin' my head, 'n dancing in my chair, while the b/f held my hand all the while.

In the audience were a mix of the young 'n elderly (some were the parents of the performers), but I think I was the youngest of everyone; but it didn't matter, b/c I enjoyed myself as these FABULOUS men were each dressed in their designated monotone colors representative of the rainbow.

Five years ago I would've never thought I'd see myself watching a performance where the gay men proudly exposed their inner black woman inside them. I'm proud to say that I'm a diva.

The Fair

2007-07-22T23:26:00.000-07:00

Parking was truly a bitch near the downtown area, but this only meant cardio needed for me 'n him to make up. We parked seven blocks away from the parade, 'n already I, instinctively, point out other homos that are finding parking; walking up the hill; bitching about a soda that wasn't diet. I found him 'n I walking up a rainbow path up to Balboa Park, where I can hear the Country music playing, echoing amongst the complexes that surrounded us. I see rainbow flags w/ stars waving proudly next to their neighboring American flags spotting these apartments. I already get an atmosphere that I feel not truly familiar w/, but at the same time didn't feel out of place. The only reason why I felt out of place was b/c I had more than underwear 'n socks on.

We walk across the street onto the grass area of the park, where already I spot a diverse group of people. There were guys walking shamelessly w/o their shirts; there were people that SHOULD be walking w/ shame w/ their shirts off; there were women dressed in baggy attire, w/ their faces adorned w/ bizarre jewelry; there were older people; there were kids about the age of 5, 'n behind them are hairy-chested men in leather jackets 'n underwear; I see guys holding one another's hand, 'n same went for the ladies; I notice the most thuggish 'n gangster-looking Hispanics in their button-up, checkered shirts, hugging one another from behind. This was different, but it wasn't a culture shock to me, as I've seen way too much stuff on the internet to be surprised.

Pride was tantamount of the Del-Mar Fair, except people at the Fair had more people - w/ clothes. The booths flanking the main road were nothing short of the same as the Del-Mar Fair, except people at the Fair didn't have secret passageways for adults to go through to look at extreme pornographic artwork, 'n utilities for couples to flog one another on their bare back. Pride was pretty much like the Del-Mar Fair, except that it wasn't.

I can't say that attending Pride has got me in touch w/ my gay roots, but it sure has given me the chance to get more comfortable w/ my b/f in public, as we held hands the whole time, 'n even stole a kiss from him. Pride was OK, but maybe b/c I wasn't old enough to get into the beer garden, but that's OK, too. I had fun w/ the Hip Hop Tribal event, where there were drummers, bongo players 'n the like, 'n people in the audience were given instruments to tag participate 'n improvise. I don't think it would've been as much fun if I wasn't w/ my b/f.

Summer Job

2007-07-21T09:59:00.000-07:00

My first session of college is over, 'n am proud to say that I haven't missed a single day! W/ that over 'n some more time left for myself, I'll be able to work on more art. A friend of mine couldn't have offered me a better job at the best time. Her mom is a preschool teacher 'n a poet, who wants to create a story book for preschoolers. She has already written the story line, 'n just need the illustrations. All of the pictures are up to me, 'n I can draw however I want it to be; whether it be cartoon-ish or realistic-ish. To make my life easier, the pages (30) are already set up w/ text, so all I have to do is read the text, 'n draw something relevant. The illustrations will need to be done by early September, 'n I'll be receivin' $500. Not bad, huh?

F = P; V = B; T = D

2007-07-16T00:09:00.000-07:00

All foreign languages have their unique dialects, 'n mispronouncing words in English is totally normal, b/c one is used to their native language, which comes along w/ a distinct accent. The Filipino accent to the English language transition is no different. Some family 'n friends have heavy Filipino accents, 'n at times can be confusing to understand what they're talking about. Just earlier, I had trouble understanding my mom.

Mom: "Do you know how to use the pox?"

Me: "Pox, or fox?"

Mom: "The pox!"

Me: "What?!"

Mom: "You know, the pox!

Me: "What pox?! Chicken pox?!"

Mom: "NO, gago (silly)! The one that came w/ the printer I just got for you! Where you can send peekchars (pictures) to someone else's preentar (printer)."

Me: "Ohhh!!! You mean FAX! Fffffaaaaaax!"

Mom: "That's what I said! Pox!"

Another prime example of a heavy Filipino accent transitioned into the English language took place in my Biology summer class before my senior year. The teacher asked the class what the disease "TB" is; he was talking about tuberculosis. Out of all the students in the classroom, he picked a good friend of mine, Heyron (actual name). Heyron's a comedic fellow, 'n came from the Philippines when he was 13.

Teacher: "Heyron, do you know what 'TB' is?"

Heyron: "TB? Dot (that) is, ahh....telebisyon!"

More to come.

Band

2007-07-13T22:34:00.000-07:00

Vinyl can do wonderful things.

The "L" Word

2007-07-10T11:29:00.000-07:00

Have you ever said, "I love you," 'n felt that weird, electrical surge go throughout your whole body? I have, 'n it felt great.

Blog'iversary

2007-07-02T09:20:00.000-07:00

It's funny how I started this blog. I was zipping around Myspace profiles one day, b/c I was bored out of my mind w/ my cast on my leg, 'n came across Glenn's Myspace, which lead to his interesting blog. I didn't know there were bloggers out there that write about their lives at that age 'n beyond, so I thought it'd be cool to interact w/ these people, so I started up this blog to also get feedback.

Later on while reading Glenn's blog, I came across his blogroll, 'n noticed something: most of these bloggers are, for one, male, 'n two, they're gay. This, I thought, was amazing, as I wasn't aware that blogosphere had a gay sector 'n that these people would be so open about it. Awesome, I thought, as this encouraged me to come OUT slowly by confessing my sexuality in the public internet world by stating so in this here blog. It really was a big first step for me, 'n later on helped build courage to finally come out in person to my English teacher, Ms. D., 'n later on closer friends, 'n those just to see a reaction out of them.

This blog allowed me to contact 'n connect w/ people who I thought only lived across the country or different cities, but little did I know that we're everywhere, us bloggers. As this blog progressed, I've acquired more internet buds, 'n my writing/typing progressed as well; I noticed that my style of writing has become more loose 'n more me. I've also learned what personal things I shouldn't put out on this blog, like me having my left butt cheek cut open by a Chutes 'n Ladders board game, but that's something I'd say in person anyway, just for sh*ts 'n giggles.

One year has passed 'n you 'n I have seen me grow w/ age. I've titled this page "Change is Constant" b/c I knew I'd change, but I came to learn that I'm not changing, it's just that I'm growing up.

1st place

2007-06-29T16:01:00.001-07:00

I got first place at the Del Mar Fair's high school art showcase. Weeeeeeee!!!

Stick

2007-06-27T18:22:00.000-07:00

Sweat's trickling down all over my head to my neck. I feel the heat coming out of the neck of my shirt. My right hand's not trusting my left foot, hoping there's some cooperation. The windows are up, as distractions will be the death of me. The real pressure's coming from behind me as I see people lined up behind me, needing to commute to their destination, so it's up to me that I don't mess up as soon as the light turns green. The last thing on my mind is if Paris is getting out of jail.

Learning stick has to be one of the most frustrating maneuvering I ever had to comprehend. It's always the interval between neutral 'n 1st gear that'd make my heart pound. I dreaded steep hills, 'n would avoid them by taking a longer route. While on hills, I'd roll back, not understanding the equilibrium between the gas 'n clutch. I especially hate when the car rumbles b/c I'm not putting enough gas; it's like I'm seeing myself die. I'm sure my older brother told, 'n yelled - mostly yelled - to me to feel for the power that the clutch is giving off, but sure enough, I'd stall, 'n roll back down the hill, which could've caused a chain reaction of metal smacking against the other. Being yelled at by my brother didn't help me at all. Instead, it'd make me panic more, causing me to stall more, which leads to more yelling. Reverse is the same story, just the reverse. I find myself going forward down a hill while on reverse, 'n am scared to push the gas even more, believing that it'll go forward.

But once I finally got used to first gear, everything came in smoothly. Being first at a red light on a steep hill doesn't intimidate me any more. After first gear is basically automatic to me, except the big exhaust reminds me that my car is fairly powerful. My brother's vocal chords can now rest, 'n my mom won't have higher blood pressure when riding shotgun. What intimidates me now is cop cars on the look out for sporty cars like mine, profiling Asian kids like me, w/ a loud exhaust, 'n a 12" sub in the back bumping; but my mom has taught me better to not drive fast or race. I'm always reminded that a lot of car accidents - usually teenagers are involved - are caused by carelessness, esp. from DUIs; but I know not to drink 'n drive - it's hard to do that when you're driving stick.

I'm starting to get really comfortable w/ my car now, 'n my friends are impressed, 'n I feel like a proud daddy, making sure that I have the kill switch w/ me once I leave my baby. I say sorry 'n pet the steering wheel whenever I stall. Once I'm a more stable father 'n get a job, I'll spoil my baby w/ all the nice clothes, like fenders on the side, 'n 26" chrome rims 'n a bigger sound system. Shoot, I'll even feed her nutritional things 'n supercharge her. She'll love 'n appreciate me later in life.

Driving by myself really opened the door of independence for me, especially when I go to far places. I love driving far, not worrying about gas 'n feeling like I can go to any destination easily, compared to the times I didn't have a car. But what comes w/ a car is responsibility 'n obligations. When I was a no-car-haver, I'd get hooked up w/ rides from friends, 'n from those that I didn't know to well; I'm a ride-whore, I guess you can say. I've ridden shotgun more than any other shotgun-riding whores. But it's not a problem, just so long as I have more than half a tank of gas, or if they have gas money to spare. Everything's goin' well so far. Let's just cross our fingers that I don't drink w/ my keys in my pocket.

Time Controller

2007-06-20T21:05:00.000-07:00

W/ a four-hour class, our instructor let us have breaks w/ reasonable intervals. I think I speak for everyone when I say that we want a longer break. I was the hero today. Dr. H. gave us a 15 minute break, 'n pretty much everybody stormed out the classroom into the warm weather for a breather right away. I walked around campus to look into other classrooms, especially in the music department. I was having a good time 'n looked at my cell to find that 15 minutes have passed by. I walk back to my classroom 'n find Dr. H. outside of the classroom eating an apple. I was about to open the door when she asked me, "How much time do we have left? I don't have a watch on me."

Me: "Oh." *looks at the other students behind her who stood up from the bench to go back inside* "Only about 6 minutes passed by. We have another 9, or 10 if you're cool w/ it."

Dr. H.: *takes bite out of apple* "OK, sounds good."

Other students: *laughs 'n sits back down on the bench*

The extra 10 minutes made a big difference for us.

Hodge-Podge

2007-06-20T07:31:00.000-07:00

I was tagged (I suck at tag) by hot momma blogga Sue for my first meme. So, here're 8 things you don't know about me:

1) Whenever I look to my left I unintentionally raise my left eyebrow. In most pictures where I have my left side facing the camera my left eyebrow is up.

2) After some years of smoking, I've learned tricks, like blowing Os 'n the French inhale (smoke goes from the mouth into the nose). B/c of the French inhale, I know how to check how my breath smells w/o the smoke, so if you see me making an underbite gesture, I'm checking if I have garlic breath.

3) I have a bump that's a half an inch on my left butt cheek from the stitches I got when I was in 6th grade. I was sleeping on the edge of my bed 'n fell on the corner of the board game of Chutes 'n Ladders, cutting deeply into the flesh of my left bottom cheek. I played Chutes 'n Ladders later lying down on my stomach.

4) Sometimes I like to think I have magical powers. I would have something in my hand, set it down, do something really quick, 'n not find what I had earlier ever again until the next day.

5) I love to borrow things until they're practically my property.

6) As a privilege of being 18, I've been into an adult emporium to buy lube before I've gotten my first lotto ticket.

7) I've never purchased a lotto ticket yet.

8) Second to clowns, I hate 'n am fearful of dolls.

I'm not good at the game of tag, so I don't think I can catch anyone, but here's a shot:

Glenn

Tay

Dan

I did it

2007-06-19T17:14:00.001-07:00

For Those Who Can't Walk/Graduate Today

2007-06-19T06:15:00.001-07:00

It's not over. You guys have pulled through twelve years, 'n you guys know it, but now you've just a little more to work to catch up - which is not much. Please understand that you're not missing out; you're still the graduating class of 2007, 'n when the time comes to get your diploma, don't regret what you came short of, b/c we all have our own success during our own time. Our school has put so much requirement for the Seniors 'n you guys have pulled off so much. Twain was the easy way out of the stress, the mandatory Senior requirements, 'n all of the bullshit they put us through, but you guys were determined 'n had high ambitions to walk 'n have your one minute of fame on stage in the Cox Arena, but being in front of a big crowd w/ your diploma won't be the landmark of your new path into college life. Keep hanging in there. I'm proud of you guys. Your time will come.

Summer's a Comin'

2007-06-18T12:54:00.000-07:00

(shot taken in my backyard)

Graduation Present

2007-06-17T14:52:00.000-07:00

Eclipse GS
Year: 1998
Mileage: 102,000
Price: $4K
Stick shift; intake; 12" subs in the back w/ CD changer; new tires; never been in an accident; a couple of dings

Now this is a good way to start my summer 'n college. THANKS MOM!!! Let's just hope that it doesn't end up like my brother's truck two nights ago 'n get it's windows bashed 'n iPod stolen. Luckily for me, I have no iPod, so it's the robber's loss.

Permanent Wife-Beater

2007-06-17T08:49:00.001-07:00

School's almost over, but I'm still on campus w/ my art teacher every weekend, maybe more often after graduation, since I'll have more time. It's still slow progress w/ the garden 'n the green house, but progress is progress.

Wheel barrel in progress.

Spinach-puller.

Marking for a table we're making in the green house.

W/ 3.5 hours of trial 'n error, screwing 'n unscrewing, 'n one stripped screw, we got this f*cker to fit snugly w/in the green house.

I came home, took off my shirt, opened my eyes 'n thought I saw a replica of my wife-beater.

Front.

Back.

'n these pics were taken about 5 hours later after I came home. But at least I wore a hat?

Begot

2007-06-17T08:22:00.000-07:00

The word father can be a sensitive or hurtful remembrance for some kids. I used to envy kids who had something prepared for their fathers on Father's Day. It may be hard to understand why it's hard for those who've never been begotten, especially those who have a parent that comes in 'n out of their child's life.

It takes time spent w/ a child to be a father, 'n I learned that we really don't have all the time in the world - no matter how long you've lived. I'm glad I don't hate my father any more, as it's just excess/unnecessary weight that I don't need to carry on my shoulders to slow me down on my walk to the end of my life. Who am I to say that I can do a better job than him? I'm only, 'n just turned, eighteen 'n act like I've experienced true responsibilities as a family member. As the baby of the family, I've been living a luxurious life, so I can't truly say I'm living a messed up life b/c my father's not in my life, except in monetary spirit, which is what I'm grateful for, b/c I'll be starting my college class on the 13th.

I feel for those who don't have a father due to abandonment 'n/or infidelity reasons. Tears were poured last week in my Human Psychology class as we had a discussion about family behaviors. I hear the confusion as whys were cried out, questioning "why" their father is not there, or there 'n gone again, putting up hopes to set up disappointments. They were not just confused, but unaware 'n angry, pushing them farther to understanding the truth.

But, like I've mentioned before, understanding is the key. Understanding, to me, helped me mature 'n accept reality in a way that I can cope. My eyes are opened 'n I can see myself inside, questioning my integrity as a brother, son, friend 'n lover. B/c of that, I understand - but not totally - my father, 'n I forgive him; he knows what he has done. Life's made up of a bunch of mistakes 'n wrong decisions, 'n I'm happy for my father that he still can 'n has learned from them.

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

Ahead of the Class

2007-06-15T04:11:00.000-07:00

I'm glad I don't feel intimidated being the only high school student in my class at a community college. I'm surrounded by people who are from universities, some in their mid-20s, 'n not to mention I make up 50% of the Asian population in the classroom of 20-something, but I see it as a privilege to represent students my age 'n ethnicity as a minority. My professor is a nice soul, but I know for a fact she's not going to be someone to hold a student's hand along the way, giving any type of exceptions during the next 6 weeks w/ her. People seem serious in their studies - well, I wouldn't know, b/c I sit in the front row, right in front of the professor, but I can tell that those surrounding me wouldn't dare to goof off like I would in my high school classes, b/c, for one, if I were to act like the way would at my school, I'd be laughed at, 'n be told to grow up 'n two, there's no room for that nonsense. But all in all, I can't say I'm not prepared, thanks to my AP US History teacher, who taught us how to take outline notes during a lecture; it really paid off.

What really helps is a boost in self-esteem, especially in an environment described above. The whole 6-week session consists of 200 points: 50 for each 3 exams, 20 for a visual analysis, 20 for an oral presentation (10-15 minutes! Damn!), 'n 10 lifesaver points. The lifesaver points are given for participation 'n responses to videos. Wednesday, we wrote a response to a video 'n was given back the next day. Dr. H. said out loud while looking through the packet of responses, "Everyone has received a lifesaver point, except for Douglas (last name)-" I felt so embarrassed, b/c she put me on the spot, but no one really knew me, or anyone for that matter. But as my face flushed red, she continued, "-he received two points for writing a 170-word essay for the video, while everybody else wrote a paragraph at most." I felt so proud of that paper, 'n am glad I started on it during the video. I thanked my professor for the extra point at the start of our break.

It's only one point, I know, but the fact that I'm the youngest student in the class 'n am ahead of everyone by one point makes me feel so damn special! B/c of this, I want to maintain my number one spot in that class, so I'm actually looking forward to studying for the first exam next week 'n get an A on it - hopefully.

First Day @ College

2007-06-13T17:15:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day in college. I experienced true independence while on campus, as I didn't know anyone at all. The campus was fairly small, but it's a community college, so I wasn't expecting a University-sized campus. I wasn't nervous when I arrived in my class. I was the first one to be in when the class prior to mine had ended. Students that came in one by one were Caucasian, but I didn't feel out of place. The whole class, though, was extremely silent while waiting for our teacher. I was seriously eager to talk, but I wasn't totally sure if this crowd was the social type. Not surprisingly, I was the first one to talk to a couple of people who were sitting next to me, 'n got their names.

Dr. H came in late to teach her Art History class. She's a nice woman w/ a slight German accent. Dr. H isn't a boring, nor mean person, but the course was boring as all hell. I like art, but sometimes the story behind slides of art pieces don't interest me enough to stay awake for four hours (my class starts at 1pm 'n ends at 5pm, so I actually had to go to school in the beginning of my 5th period from high school today, 'n will do the same tomorrow). Well, at least it's just two days a week, 'n I'll be graduating next Tuesday, so I can't wait.

Word of Mouth

2007-06-12T18:21:00.000-07:00

Blah blah blah. Words are always exchanged 'n distributed about me. My comfortability is questioned by myself now b/c of high school gossip, 'n yadeeyada. I guess I can become too comfortable in telling certain people about me, which is my mistake, as people who I haven't told actually know about me. Word circulates in high school like heat from a fan.

One particular girl has lips that need to be stapled together until she learns manners 'n consideration. You see, this girl has lascivious feelings for me, which is actually flattering, but what pisses me off is how she fulminates in front of me in front of people, saying, out loud, things like, "I wish you weren't gay." She'd also do sexual gestures, which, again, is quite flattering, but it's not cute any more when her mouth is opened enough so I can count how many teeth she has.

But yesterday, she really tested my patience. I was w/ my friend, who I've known since 9th grade 'n is highly homophobic, after school to wait for our rides. While waiting on the sidewalk, a car passes by w/ a big mouth hanging out the passenger window, yelling, "If only you weren't gay!" The car drove off, leaving my friend to look 'n question me, "You gay?" This is someone who I wouldn't even bother to tell about me, b/c I don't think it'd be necessary at all, but it came down to it 'n I didn't want to lie. I told him the truth, 'n he gave me a hard time, preaching to me about how I'll go to hell, threatening to tell a set of friends who I've known for a while, 'n tell me he can't look at me the same way.

It hurt, really. I knew I'd come across a situation like this. I've mentioned before that I should just X out those who won't accept, b/c they won't do anything but bring me down, but nonetheless, I'm still hurt, b/c this is a guy I was fairly close w/, but now I've lost him, 'n changed on me, b/c he thinks I've changed on him. I couldn't even get the chance to explain to him my side or why I shouldn't be looked this way b/c he didn't want to hear it. The logical thing to do is just exclude him from my life, but having a history w/ him now invalidated makes me feel I want him to be the same prior to him knowing about me. But, oh well. I don't think it's worth the breath to try 'n speak w/ someone who just won't 'n don't want to understand due to immaturity 'n religious reasons, it's just sad it has to be a friend. I guess he's not my friend any more.

I will be looking for this girl to let her know that out-ing me is not her job, 'n not her fucking business to let others know.

Commencement Day

2007-06-11T17:06:00.000-07:00

My days as a high school student ARE (thanks, Tay) coming to an end, 'n am already enrolled for my college class, which starts on Wednesday. I listen to this song by the Blue Scholars 'n the lyrics totally relate to my high school life.

Lyrics:

To the graduating class of two-thousand w/e
congratulations passed due, you deserve better
looking dapper in that cap 'n that gown
you've got fam snapping flicks, clapping loud in the back of the crowd
now the band playing homage, circumstance got you amp'd
feelin' like a champ, classes out of session at last
you've been patiently waiting, 12 years in the making
anybody who has doubted you is sadly mistaken
w/ the paper w/ your name in Olde English for the taken
so moms can bring it home, to frame it 'n display it
w/ the grade point average hanging over your head
brothers sisters please, don't believe the bullsh*t they said
f*ck a pledge of allegiance, 'n arrogant teachers
repeats to the people who don't ever preach
up in the front of a classroom, all day long
plantin' seeds of revolution, we dedicate this song

(chorus)
it goes one for the student who refuses to submit
'n two for the teachers who are underpaid as sh*t
it's the next generation of miseducated youth
who demonstrate the truth 'n manage to make it through
it goes three for the strifes giving young bloods life
'n four for the kids who spends stifled inside
it's the next generation of miseducated youth
next time ask 'em for proof

now for the knuckleheads clownin' in the back of the class
to the teacher's pet monkey in the front kissin' ass
but most of all everyone else who sat between 'em
'n questioned all the falsehoods that teachers believe in
up in hallways herded in locker territorialism
up in assemblies, nobody was listening
instead, rocked the mixtape 'n walkman discreet
w/ the headphones threaded from the pocket through the sleeve
you be seein' education through the music you heard
cafeteria tables enabled beats to occur
where students separated in cliques
the state of the nation manifested up in high school politics
history repeated, you readed to regurgitate
slave ownin', dead white men, folks you know they make
curriculars designed to make obedient drones
bring your papers, but please leave your lyrics at home

(chorus)
it goes one for the student who refuses to submit
'n two for the teachers who are underpaid as sh*t
it's the next generation of miseducated youth
who demonstrate the truth 'n manage to make it through
it goes three for the strifes giving young bloods life
'n four for the kids who spends stifled inside
it's the next generation of miseducated youth
next time ask 'em for proof

We made it, 45 caliber proof
'n your teachers don't believe that you can handle the truth
but the truth is these suits can't stand it when youth
begin to question their conditions 'n backwards tradition
as you recognize the threshold of negative stress
the crossroad between complete failure 'n success
it's so necessary, you paid attention in class
never tell you the conditions in which to apply to math
only 65% of your peers, freshmen year is still here
'n half that total will move on
but three out of four will drop out in two years
add it up, and it equals some sh*t's gone wrong
now the snakes gave you education budget roll back
No Child Left Behind is just a backboard draft
as you stand at the summit w/ your face in the wind
now it's time to let your true education begin

(chorus)
it goes one for the student who refuses to submit
'n two for the teachers who are underpaid as sh*t
it's the next generation of miseducated youth
who demonstrate the truth 'n manage to make it through
it goes three for the strifes giving young bloods life
'n four for the kids who spends stifled inside
it's the next generation of miseducated youth
next time ask 'em for proof

Begot

2007-06-10T11:36:00.000-07:00

Skizzors

2007-06-08T14:07:00.001-07:00

Granted

2007-06-02T09:06:00.000-07:00

W/ one teacher, another adult 'n only a couple of dedicated students working on the Terra Nova school garden, the grant that we got from our local legislature really does help. My art teacher created a proposal for a project grant for our garden, 'n out of 37 other schools in the county, we were the first pick. We will be given $31K exclusively for our program. I'm happy for that!

Hopefully the program at my school will be something close to Berkeley's gardening program. It'll be nice to start having the fruits 'n vegetables we're growing now be integrated to the other culinary programs in our school, like the Hungry Tiger 'n Food Prep classes, next year. However, w/ the small amount of people working on the garden, progress isn't going as fast as we want it to. I find it funny (not HAHA funny) that there's an environmental club at our school 'n don't do half the environmental work that the few students 'n my art teacher do, besides picking up trash around campus. Pshhh...

Here are some pics from the garden:

Sage green green house

Painter boy

My art teacher, hero, 'n friend. Oh SO butch!

Best safety goggles to use when using a skilsaw

Julia, the gardener. She's literally down to earth.

See ya!

Where's My Bedazzler....?

2007-05-26T16:11:00.000-07:00

I <3 Dogs

2007-05-24T21:29:00.000-07:00

But idk if Daphne woves me that way.

Legs Where The Arms Should Be

2007-05-23T21:52:00.000-07:00

This is why I don't rush my art! I get things all out of proportion (my biggest problem) 'n I don't get the exact shading I want! But it's something I had to do to turn in at the Del Mar Fair for my art teacher. The right arm is friggin' huge!

Media: Acrylic

Dimensions: 18"x24"?

I'll be doing a pencil project next; something I'm actually good at.

Mr. Super Serious Senior

2007-05-22T18:24:00.000-07:00

I really wish they sent me the alternate picture of me smiling instead of this one. I always get a laughing reaction from people whenever they see this b/c they usually never see me this serious-looking.

Enjoying the Ride

2007-05-20T17:34:00.001-07:00

"It's great when I wake up in bed w/ Daphne in my arms," he said as we drove back to his place while we talked about his dalmatian.

It has been a month now that I've been exclusively seeing this guy. I didn't know what to expect from us at the time, especially b/c of the fact that we've met on the internet. Of course I knew I put myself at risk b/c of that, but I'm so grateful that I've met him 'n have the chance to spend time to get to know him, 'n him me.

Things aren't complicated, considering our significant age difference. Yes, I've thought about what can happen b/c of the gap between our ages ('n I've also talked to my teachers about us), but I've experienced true passion 'n intimacy w/ him over this past month, 'n let me tell you, it's nothing like I've ever felt. Our idle conversations, the laughs, the times we go out in public w/o feeling any shame or discomfort has given me the chance to know 'n feel what it's like to be w/ someone monogamously for a relatively extended period of time. I love spending time w/ someone who wants to share their time w/ me for the company. His dog, Daphne, is an extra bonus for me, as I'm a dog lover.

Waking up next to him after w/ my head on his chest 'n body in his arms w/ the fireplace on 'n candles lit is like living in the movies; but waking up next to him 'n his dog sleeping at the foot of me is priceless.

I've thought about the realistic calamities that can happen between us in the future, but it spoils the aesthetic values of what I've been enjoying. Could it be infatuation? I don't know exactly, but I like what has been happening to me b/c of him ('n Daphne) for the past month, so I won't put any labels on what's going on between us; furthermore, expectations won't be set in the future; I'll just let things ride 'n enjoy it.

So far, no regrets.

Sexual Preference; Not a Personality

2007-05-19T09:51:00.001-07:00

I never saw myself as a feminine male, b/c prior to accepting myself, I'd always fight the fact that I'm gay 'n would try my hardest to not do anything to emasculate myself as a guy. The "wrong" crowd were close friends, 'n would do things that would supposedly reassure that we were guys. We'd break into cars 'n houses, fish for cigarettes 'n alcohol outside of liquor stores, watch football games, play ball, get into fights 'n stupid drama, call each other fags if anyone did anything remotely "gay." Doing such boy 'n juvenile acts supposedly helped strengthen my masculinity.

After coming out, however, I learned that no matter my sexual preference, I'm still able to be masculine. I'm still watching 'n participating in sports, I don't talk w/ a lisp w/o trying not to, I don't have a rainbow bandanna hanging out of my right pocket; I believe I don't come off as the typical gay person as he/she is usually portrayed as. I don't understand what it is to be gay, except for the fact that you find your own gender more appealing than the opposite. At what point did being gay make one act like the opposite sex? I'm not bashing on feminine people, it's just that I don't understand how your orientation changes your personality of a woman.

A couple of nights ago, a guy (we'll address him as K) called me up. This boy is on the twirl team on my school (the first boy ever to join the twirl flag team) 'n is quite the nelly guy. K has heard about me through word of mouth around school, which I'm not worried about yet not too happy about it neither. Him 'n his friend were on the phone talking to me, 'n it was tough to figure out who I was talking to, b/c they both sound the same; they have high-pitched voices. I called them out on how I couldn't differentiate the two, 'n one of 'em said, "Oh, I think it's b/c we're gay."

That made me, again, question if them being feminine was just who they are, or it's b/c they're gay. I know I'm gay 'n don't have a swing to my hips whenever I walk, but I'm also aware there are metro guys who are as straight as a board. So, w/ that all said, I'm convinced that you never know who's straight or gay, but in a world where just about everyone assumes every other person is straight, it's still more difficult for gays, as compared to straight people, to go about 'n have a non-discretionary lifestyle.

Now I've a question: Is being a feminine person a choice?

Another Short Post

2007-05-14T23:16:00.000-07:00

Prom was a blast. Here's a picture to sum up what I did the whole night:

'n I promised her mom that I wouldn't let her do any "freaky dancing" at all. I'm bad at keeping promises. 'n yes, it should be the other way around, but we DID switch off; I'm versatile. ;P

As for Mother's Day, I downloaded the instrumental to "A Song For Mama" by Boyz II Men, 'n sang over it to my mom when she came home from work late last night. I messed up a lot of the lyrics while singing, but it came out to be a funny song in the middle of it all. :)

Will be posting actual posts some time or another...

Been Occupied

2007-05-11T23:09:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't been posting; been out 'n about. Will be goin' to prom tomorrow.

'Sup, vato?

Hope nothing goes wrong tomorrow!

Cram

2007-05-02T20:45:00.000-07:00

I wish there was a way to put all that information into my little, weird-shaped skull w/o reading. I really wish I can graduate already.

Handicapable

2007-04-30T01:14:00.000-07:00

A man is having a few drinks at a bar when he looks over and notices a drunk guy passed out at a table nearby. The bartender tells him the drunk is Mr. Murphy and asks the man if he could drive Mr. Murphy home. Being a good Samaritan, the man agrees. The bartender writes down the address and gives it to him.

The man walks over and tries to wake Mr. Murphy but Mr. Murphy is groggy and quite drunk. The man helps Mr. Murphy to his feet and Mr. Murphy falls to the floor in a heap.

"Jeez," the man says wondering how anyone could drink so much. He takes Murphy by the arm and practically drags him out to the car. Once there he leans him against the side of his car while he looks for his keys. Mr. Murphy slides down to the ground. The man finds his keys and manages to get Murphy positioned in the car.

He then drives to the address the bartender gave him. He opens the passenger door and helps Mr. Murphy out and the guy falls to the ground. Cursing softly now, the man helps him to his feet and practically drags him to the front door. He lets go of Mr. Murphy to knock on the door and the guy falls down again. He helps him to his feet as Mrs. Murphy answers the door.

"Hi, Mrs. Murphy? Your husband had a little too much to drink tonight so I gave him a ride home."

"That was nice of you," she says, looking around, "But....where's his wheelchair?"

School Superstars

2007-04-27T22:41:00.000-07:00

My art teacher 'n' I are superstars now that we're on the front page (the picture shuffles every time you refresh the page) of our new 'n' improved school website. The last time the site was renovated was in 2004. Hopefully it'll stay here for another three years.

Inspirational

2007-04-25T18:46:00.000-07:00

"Pure Gold" - Earth Wind 'n' Fire

Illumination

It's not about love, but for those who aren't afraid to go after what they want. Just let the lyrics speak to you.

Walk in the Light
That shines so bright
Let your soul feel right
Love is pure gold, yeah

[Bridge:]
Won't you wake up, wake up walk in the Light
Won't you wake up, wake up bring substance in your life
Won't you wake up, wake up walk in the light
Won't you wake up, wake up, yeah

Where's your heart, where's your pride
Has it all been pushed aside
Life is dreams living high
Yet no substance in your life
It's a hard world, I know
But don't give into the lies
You have always been a star
Everything you need's inside ... your heart

[Chorus:]
Oooh, you're life is special, really special, yeah
Your flesh just burns in your soul
Truth and lie were pleasure, they were pleasure
Riches come and go
Only Love is pure gold

Many hearts, many lives have been touched when you realize
That you are worthy, you're the prize
But you have to heal inside
It's a hard world, I know
But don't give in to the lies
You have always been a star
Everything you need's inside

[Bridge 2:]
(Say 'ya) always on the ground (but cha), need some peace of mind (won't cha)
Slow down, take your time, there's a million ways to shine, yeah (when 'ya)
Let the whirly thing (got cha) control your destiny
('Ya gotta) break or make a change (and then you'll find your stars will align)

[Chorus 2x]
[Bridge]
[Chorus]

Hey, your love will help you find your treasure, have mercy... yeah
As you live from day to day
'Cause only true love makes things better... yeah
'Cause true love never fades away

6-back

2007-04-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

Thanks to swimming, I've developed wider lats. I'm not quite at the point of where I want to be as far as my abs go, but I noticed that I've developed some muscles on my back that I thought was unusual for me. I never really emphasize my back muscles, nor do I pay much attention to 'em, but w/ swimming, my triceps 'n' upper back muscles have become more ripped; I actually see a 6-pack form.

Now, I'm not trying to show off, but just thought this was an interesting find on my own body, somethin' I thought I wasn't capable of developing!

Warm Heart From a Thousand Hugs

2007-04-23T22:52:00.000-07:00

I can't emphasize enough how thankful I am for friends that accept me for me. It never gets old when someone tells me that they don't care whether I'm gay or not, just as long as I'm still me. Coming out to friends that I've known since my junior high days is even becoming easier, though a bit shocking for them. One particular time I came out to a friend, who I know that tends to clown a lot 'n' bashes gay people, actually told me: "If anyone talks sh*t 'bout you bein' gay, let me know, so I'll whup they ass." It means a lot coming from someone who was once uncomfortable being around queer folks has my back, b/c we've "known each other for too long" for him to turn HIS back on ME.

I wasn't expecting a lot companionship when I first came out. I've always wanted to be so discreet that I've actually felt uncomfortable around other gay people that I knew of. I was actually bothered by the fact that I was known to be gay by another guy w/ the same orientation, b/c I'd think it was awkward knowing that there's a higher chance of a sexual attraction compared to bein' w/ a straight guy. But on the contrary, I've GAINED friends who happen to be gay w/ NO sexual intentions at all. This is relatively new to me, b/c I've never had peers to talk about 'n' share similar experiences, ESPECIALLY when it came to the topic of sex (I'd love to share it w/ you guys - the readers - but I don't think I'm comfortable enough to share my sex life publicly on the internet). Having friends to talk about like paths - as far as being gay goes - in a similar pace, in which we could pass on knowledge to each other from recent experiences is just as exciting as talking to my friends my age when I grew my first pubic hair. These friends I've grown w/ a genuine bond has seriously, 'n' still is, making this whole coming out adventure very easy for me.

I've yet to tell any of my immediate family members, though, but that'll come in time. Like I said before, me having a girlfriend or any children in the future is the LEAST of my family's concern. They've prioritized my education 'n' having a successful career in life over my sex life, 'n' I can't love 'em enough how much they care about what's really important for me, not what turns me on or gets me off.

But I can't forget about this blog 'n' the interactive readers that have helped me along the way. It was the dialogue between me 'n' myself, 'n' you guys 'n' I that established the courage for me to come out into the real world. So, I guess I gotta thank the internet for the little jumpstart. Seriously, I'd love to meet each 'n' every one of you all 'n' build a stronger relationship between us. I don't find meeting people on the internet as weird as I looked at it before after watching pedophiles on TV nab their victims by using the internet as their kidnapping trap. I believe I've grown enough of good judgment to not get kidnapped by an internet phony...

It's relationships like these that makes me appreciate 'n' differentiate those who matter the most to the plastic bottles who you thought had love for you; they either love you for who you are, or don't, 'n' the faster you realize who matters to you the most makes you realize who will stay in your past or move on w/ you in your future.

As I type this whole post, I have a sincere smile on my face just thinking about the individuals who inspired me to write this.

Spoken Word

2007-04-22T22:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the written word has no justice redeemed when just read, but to be expressed live from the poet gives a different feel to the text itself w/in the poem.

This poem is dedicated to those who aren't afraid of chasing their dreams, especially when their parents expect them to have a career of somethin' that the son or daughter doesn't passionately doesn't want to do. I can't say that my mom is like that, 'n' I appreciate her support 'n' encouragement for w/e I want to do after I graduate, but I do know a lot of friends my age that doesn't know what they want to do 'n' have their parents decide for them.

Spoken Word

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My mom once told me, "do you want to be a poet for the rest of your life?!", during an argument that left me in complete silence,

...pondering

...honoring

wandering...

as I slowly gazed at the palms of my hands, guiding eyes through rugged lifelines that stopped at the dead ends of these city streets that write rhymes,

see, I knew that my mom only wanted to bless me with success, but she knew that I was evolving into a blind man from her lectured breath, and I just wanted to take that little extra step...letting her know that I'd be alright,

her eyes confessed truth of worried expression, but honestly, I didn't pay much attention to her hurried lesson, and all she could think of was, "is he listening?" but my mind was transfixed on the night of that eve, glistening...

craving to feed the hunger of my insatiable desire, like, connecting the pen with paper to fan the flames of my fire,

meticulously nodding my head to the conversation of rain drops, scribbling about pain, hitting the windowpane, to make the pain stop...

I...felt as if my mom had witnessed hopelessness while trying to shade my hell from heaven, but unlike Robert Frost, I didn't hesitate in choosing the path of my own direction...

Wooo-sahhh

2007-04-18T22:45:00.000-07:00

In this photo, I am showing my friend Andrew (who took this pic) the process of relaxing your muscles by tightening an isolated muscle up really hard for 10 seconds 'n' then relaxing. Apparently he shot me in the action of tensing up my glutes. Suppressing anxiety was quite necessary for all the seniors (actually for those who weren't all that prepared 'n' did everything last minute, like me) at my school, b/c it was the day of our senior exhibition. For 5-15 minutes, we were to present our capstone projects in front of 1-2 junior panelist(s), our advisors, another faculty member 'n' someone from the community.

The senior portfolio 'n' exhibition is one of the most controversial graduation requirements amongst all students; the other bullshit requirement for seniors to graduate is to have under 24 unverified absenses, so I'll be goin' to Saturday school to make up those ditched periods.

My exhibition revolved around the murals I painted in the weightroom. It was fairly easy for me to connect the process of creating the murals to the ESLRs, but speaking eloquently to the panel members was a bit more difficult, as I tend to say "uhmm" a lot in between thoughts. But my procrastination skills helped me out again when I rehearsed for the first time in front of Miguel twenty minutes before my actual presentation. I had to be in a right state of mind, be aware that these folks aren't trying to fail me 'n' won't be THAT critical. I also had to keep in mind that the judges are people 'n' would find anyone boring 'n'/or fake if they know you're reading from a script, so I maintained a friendly attitude, prevented myself from having a monotone oral presentation, used hand gestures, but never crossed over the formalness line. W/ an exception of saying "uhm" for three long times during the whole exhibition, I passed w/ a score of 23 out of 24.

Now all I have to worry about now is my AP exams. Shux.

My School Made it ON THE NEWS!!!

2007-04-16T21:59:00.000-07:00

But it wasn't necessarily a good thing.

Students from other schools as well as some, if not most, in ours think that it's a bad school. The home of the Tigers has always had a reputation of denning San Diego's finest thugs 'n' gangsters. Even I wasn't looking forward to attend this school my Sophomore year (but now I'm looking forward to looking back), b/c of all of the negative things said about what happens in campus. My school DID make front cover of a local magazine's front cover, but it wasn't a good thing.

I know my school's capable of better performance academically as well as citizenship w/ new school policies, like having to wear a lanyard w/ your school ID on it, 'n' w/ the effort of our new co-principal; but it sucks when certain incidents have to make a stereotype out of our school. During lunch on Friday, there were fights among two ethnic groups: the African-Americans 'n' Hispanics. The first fight erupted w/ a former wrestling teammate of mine swinging like a windmill at the other kid. Other people started jumping in. Counselors broke it up, 'n' while walking back to the cafeteria, I see a couple of guys (African-American) run 'n' hit a physically-challenged kid, who just happens to be Hispanic. There were then crowds clustered around campus w/ racial fighting. There were numerous arrests 'n' kids mouthing off. Lunch was ended early b/c of this, 'n' no one was allowed to get out of their classrooms or use the bathroom during 5th 'n' 6th period. After school, there was a brawl in the front parking lot w/ two big groups of African-Americans 'n' Hispanics.

Today, I risked myself getting suspended 'n' not being able to graduate for helping a friend out who was getting jumped by three guys in the middle of the lunch area during lunch. I held back one guy from kicking my friend's head into the concrete. His forehead was already bloody from hitting the pavement. I walked off fast when I saw the co-principal 'n' counselors come. I know, I know, it really shouldn't be my problem 'n' I have more to lose than these underclassmen, but seein' a friend get kicked in the head 'n' face by three other guys, you just don't give a hoot.

Heehee

2007-04-14T22:03:00.000-07:00

Congressional Art Show

2007-04-14T13:42:00.000-07:00

Friday was the 51st District Congressional art show, in which high school students submitted their work to have the chance to win a trip to Washington to see their art work hung in a corridor near the White House. The corridor, described by Congressman Filner, has no life when you walk through the halls, so basically the winning art pieces of each district will put color onto the walls of the long hall.

I submitted my champagne painting, a piece that I'm not totally proud of. I wanted to submit my other ones, but they're hanging on walls of a library, which I forgot where...Though no one from my school placed, it's always a pleasure to see other students' art work, especially one of the best of other schools.

Reception room.

Table mate/artist, Marygrace 'n' her "Turban Woman" painting (acrylic).

Table mate/artist, Kim 'n' her (forgot the title) chalk piece.

Table mate/artist, Grant 'n' his "Shinding Chief" chalk piece. He didn't know what to title it b/c he doesn't know the background of the subject, so we made up a random name for it.

Here are other students art work from other schools around the county.

I love this one.

I love the concept on this one.

The painting on the right won 3rd place.

2nd place.

1st place.

Seeing the placed winners' pieces, I come to believe that there's some kind of bias. W/ all due respect, 'n' no hating at all, as I like the winners' work, but I believe the judges evaluated on who had the highest realistic piece. I say this b/c I look at the 1st place winner, 'n' see an IMPRESSIVE painting, especially w/ the colors used, but other than that, it doesn't look like there was much thought put to it; it's a self portrait 'n' doesn't really have much of a deep concept as compared to other paintings. I'd be REALLY impressed if he rendered it live. I see these other great paintings in the room w/ deep concepts 'n' really wish they had won. Again, I'm not hating at all, it's just how I view it.

Anyway, we got to meet our Congressman, Bob Filner, who pushes policies for education (what Congressman isn't?), but I was more excited to see oh-so beautiful 'n' great-smelling local newscaster Maria Arcega Dunn. I met Bob first, then Maria. I wanted a photo w/ Maria, 'n' Filner saw it as an insult 'n' jumped in the picture w/ me, Maria 'n' friends. Is it bad that I look up to someone who I see on the news Saturday rather than a Congressman? Bob gave me his card, which is the same one in the binder that holds my certificate, so I can call him so he can visit my school. I don't think I'll be callin' him any time this year, but I think it'd impress my AP Gov't teacher 'n' hopefully give me extra credit for it.

Understanding

2007-04-11T23:32:00.000-07:00

There certainly is some sort of tension between me 'n' my dad since I was in 8th grade. I've had a grudge on him for years after he left the family for a new one. The first time he called me after I heard of the bad news, I cried. I cried b/c of the thought that he had abandoned me, my mom 'n' two older brothers. It was very heartbreaking for me to go through all these new 'n' different feelings as I had just reached puberty at the time 'n' now had to deal w/ the disappointment my father bestowed upon me. What came along sadness was animosity towards him 'n' his new family, especially his new wife 'n' newborn son. I'd get heated when he had the nerve to call me to see if I wanted to go out shopping w/ him 'n' his wife, trying to win me over w/ material things; I didn't buy it, as it couldn't make up for the time I've never gotten to spend w/ him. I knew I had so much anger towards him that I'd wish that his new son would die for being born under my own flesh 'n' blood 'n' an outsider.

Change is constant, 'n' I've grown to understand. I've grown to understand that we all aren't perfect 'n' parenting is a tough job, 'n' it just so happens that my mother is the stronger parent. There's no reason to hate his new son, as it wasn't his fault for being brought into this damned world. I thought I was so open-minded to be understanding in past years, but never did I understand his perspective; I refused to care.

A couple of nights ago, my mom gave me the phone 'n' it was my father. Maybe it was the fact that I just got back from the gym 'n' felt too energized to feel down that I was willing to chat w/ him. You can't catch up over a brief phone conversation, but it was long enough to hear 'n' feel his pain from what he's done wrong. I heard him sniffle every time he apologized, 'n' it hit me: he's just as hurt as I am. Knowing that one of his sons hates his own father w/ a passion can be a devastating feeling. Knowing that he still loves his son 'n' he doesn't return the love back can make a grown man cry. I understood. I've grown just a bit more from letting him speak his mind 'n' try to know his perspective on our relationship as a father 'n' son. I've grown a bit more knowing how much of a stubborn person I can be.

That was the first phone call from him that I never cried from or have gotten angry about after I hung up. This is also the first time I've addressed him as "father" or "dad" w/o cringing.

18

2007-04-08T02:29:00.001-07:00

I think it's pretty cool that I share my b-day this year on Easter Sunday, the day of Jesus' resurrection. W/ that said, I see this b-day as a new beginning of my life, as it is the start of adulthood; though I feel that age is nothing but a number, but rather it's when you take the initiative to learn from your mistakes 'n' want to grow is what really determines your start of adulthood.

K, now let me watch my porn.

Beautiful

2007-04-07T10:25:00.000-07:00

Me: *gets out of the car 'n' hugs Roxanne* "Isn't it fun hanging out w/ a gay guy?"

Roxanne: "It was fun hanging out w/ you before I even knew you're gay."

Pull My Arm

2007-04-05T16:57:00.000-07:00

On the way back home from the model shoot last Saturday, I showed my photographer, Bill, 'n' his daughter, Kate, around my 'hood. I pointed out places of where I've been jumped, houses that have been broken in for a drug bust, 'n' others that have been shot up.

I believe the craziest story I told 'em was the incident that happened near my school a couple of years back. What had happened was that this student, who was about my age, was walking to school in the morning when this green Taurus full of hoodlums slowed down the car to say lascivious words that the girl didn't find too kind. She flipped them off when the drove off, but they saw that 'n' made a u-turn. They had gotten out of the car 'n' started beating her. At one point, two of the four men grabbed the helpless girl by the hands, trying to stretch apart. They pulled this petite girl so hard that her arms were pulled out of her sockets.

What was even crazier was what they were charged w/:

Armed robbery.

Tera Nova Garden

2007-04-03T15:57:00.000-07:00

While most students are off enjoying their spring break, I'm running at 10 in the am to school, which is 3.4 miles away (I got the distance from mapquest), to help out my art teacher w/ the Tera Nova Garden that was established two years ago. Lately, we've been building the establishment of the green house, 'n' have finished putting on the skeleton of the roof last Saturday. Today, me 'n' Ms. Mac finished building a raised bed so the "danged gophers won't eat the playunts!"

I'm really looking forward to where this whole Tera Nova Garden program is going, as it's incorporating the other food programs in school. Things are going slowly but surely w/ the garden, but it sure beat a lot of peoples' expectations two years ago when it started. A lot would think that nothing would grow b/c of all the squirrels on campus would destroy the garden, but these "playunts" are troopers 'n' we plan to expand this little garden for the years to come. I can't wait to visit after some years 'n' see improvements 'n' growth.

It's art!

Me: "How old are you?"
Ms. Mac: "56 going 12."

Oh so butch.

A teacher 'n' her student building a raised bed. I felt so butch w/ that stapler 'n' drilling pilot holes 'n' whatnot. I think I grew a beard in the process.

Windmill in the garden.

6 More Days

2007-04-02T16:26:00.000-07:00

That feeling...knowing that I am going to be accountable for my own actions; knowing that my responsibilities increase as my freedoms extend; knowing that I am going to be an adult and no longer a child...kinda excites me!

Model Status

2007-03-31T20:21:00.001-07:00

I've never considered modeling until my Engrish teacher suggested that I should. When I hear the word model, I think of anorexic females 'n' guys w/ killer abs, probably attained from starvin' themselves b/c of their loss of appetite from the drugs they use.

Back when I blogged on Xanga a few years ago, I had met a photographer from New Jersey named Bill via his Xanga blog. I was really into photography at the time, 'n' I've always admired his work; I've been keeping in touch w/ him ever since. Yesterday, he has flown to San Diego w/ his daughter to go to a Switchfoot concert that's in my area. This was a great opportunity to finally meet him 'n' have him shoot me. I've never met someone from the internet that lives across the country. I had a blast, though. Bill is a pretty cool guy. I appreciate his effort of trying to be "hip," 'n' try to learn slang terms from me. His daughter, Kate, who's in the same grade as me, is a nice girl that laughs at my jokes, so I like her.

I wanted to share this experience w/ two good friends, Sammy 'n' Kareen, as they are very creative when it comes to being in front of a camera. Having them w/ me definitely didn't necessarily increase my comfort level, b/c I had a gut feeling that Bill 'n' Kate are good people. I mean, he read the release form, making me sure that those photos will not be displayed for anything w/ naughty intentions. But I can trust too much, so it really helped that a couple of friends were w/ me.

Our first shoot went fine. I was a bit stiff at first, but he told me to just have fun. It helped that Sammy 'n' Kareen were there to interact w/ me, while Bill shot. Bill had these tech-y flash stuff for two other people to hold 'n' point to me while he took the photos, so I felt like there was a bit more attention than I've anticipated. After a few shots, things became easier 'n' I didn't hesitate to pose for the camera instead of thinking really hard of a pose I should do.

Balboa Park

I don't even have a cell phone.

Petco Park/Trolley station

"Hey babe, what's yo sign?"

Cesar Chavez Park

Bill was kind enough to give me all of the 400+ shots onto a CD for free.

I really hope they enjoy their stay here in San Diego 'n' maybe when I'm older, I'll get to visit them in Jersey.

I really enjoyed this experience, esp. w/ close friends to share it w/. I'd probably do it again to build a portfolio for myself, but I doubt that I'll be taking this whole business too seriously.

Myspace Lesson

2007-03-31T10:50:00.000-07:00

My old pre-engineering teacher, Mr. G., always post up bulletins talking low of air-headed celebrities. It's pretty funny, but his latest bulletin wasn't another rant, but a lesson on good debt vs. bad debt.

Obviously I didnt drink enough last night, because I am lucid enough to write this.

The current American mentality of "keeping up with the Jones' " is producing a generation of idiots with NO savings, depreciating assets and virtually nothing to show for years of hard work. The only time this realization will really hit someone is when they are about 54 and come to the conclusion that the trips to cabo, the 24 inch rims, and the closet full of versace WONT MEAN SHIT when you retire. Once you stop working, you draw a monthly stipend based on what you have saved, and for most of you dumb motherfuckers, it isnt a lot.

San Diego is notorious for its lifestyle of decadence, expensive clothes, and leased BMW's. It is not known for producing people with personalities. I mean fuck, why be interesting when you have a Vuitton purse, right?

The fact of the matter is that the more education you have, the higher wage structure you are placing yourself into. Every interview I have ever had involved the recruiter seeing MBA under my name and realizing that they have to pay me more because of the sacrifices I made for two years.

Think about that for a minute.

EVERY job I will ever have till retirement is guaranteed to pay more than someone with a BA or an AA FOREVER. Because I buckled down and learned some extra shit. I didnt go out and party. I didnt spend my weekends at Stingaree. I didnt get married in my 20's.

Fact #1
Education is a GOOD investment. Take out some loans. Go to school. Invest in yourself. As long as you finish, that degree will pay for itself NUMEROUS times in your life.

Fact #2
Real Estate is a good investment. You get tax breaks, you can rent out the property to someone and keep a continuous string of income rolling in and they pay your mortgage. In a few months, there are going to be so many foreclosures that you will see a LOT of houses going on the market for cheap. Save your cash for that 10% down payment. And laugh at your dumb ass neighbor that took out equity loans to buy an escalade. Have fun at the gas pumps, you fucking retard. When you get a loan, stick with a 30 year mortgage and make sure its a fixed loan NOT an adjustable rate mortgage. This keeps your payments from fluctuating when the bearded scrotum that runs the Fed increases interest rates.

Fact #3
Invest in things that make money, not lose it. Stocks, bonds, tax lien certificates, and mutual funds all make money over time.
Guys, instead of buying diamond rings, buy diamond STOCKS. If your girl complains about it, get another girl.

Ladies, if you waste your time thinking a ring is a symbol of love, you are exactly the kind of idiot Im trying to reach out to. Not only are diamonds harvested by oppressed people of other countries, BUT THEY LOSE THEIR FUCKING VALUE AS SOON AS THEY GO ON YOUR TRAMPY FINGER.

Fact #4
Don't get married. Just don't. With 50% of marriages ending in divorce, the odds are against you. Think about whatever reason you have to get married, take a minute and really think about it.

Love- Umm hello, you dont need a piece of paper to love someone. Usually I would love someone if they brought over some pizza and coors light.

Stability- Are you fucking kidding me? Do you think that losing half of your income to the idiot you married is going to make you stable once the divorce happens?

Pregnancy- Your kid is going to be just fine if mom and dad arent married.

Family is pressuring you- Fuck them. Unless they pay your bills, they should shut the fuck up and be glad you have a job. My family is so messed up, I stopped listening to them years ago. This is why four of them are recovering addicts of some type or another and I own two properties and a LOT of stocks and working on my Doctorate. Your family is not always right. Major decisions shouldnt involve them.

Fact #5 Dont buy a fancy car unless you can afford it.
A car loses 30% of its value once you drive it away. A car is the WORST thing you can buy. Unless you have saved 50% to put down, this is a no brainer.
Oh you bought a Hummer to look cool and it has low payments? Thats because you will have the loan out for 45 years, you dipshit. And you look like a tool driving that piece of shit to get starbucks.

Ok, Im done. Hopefully this will make some of you re-examine your current situation.

Do you have to listen to me? No.

Do I not have to worry about my bills and have so much money saved up that I can buy just about anything I want? Yes.

Do I make mistakes? Yes, ask any of my students about the 10,000 shares of delta I bought. Its important to highlight your failures as well as your successes.

Stock tip of the day Honda.

Stats Rap

2007-03-28T20:02:00.000-07:00

I truly do have a dichotomic set of friends. I have the friends that can get me in deep doodoo, but I also have the goody-goody comrades that have the salutatorian 'n' student of the year titles. Back in middle school, the thought of hanging out w/ the "geeks" or "nerds" outside of school campus, but after going through the real-friend selecting process, I learned that even that loner you see at lunch sittin' by him/herself is a potential genuine friend.

Today was a genuinely fun 'n' clean day hanging out w/ the top-ranking students of my school at Applebees for extra credit in AP Stats (We had to have photographic proof that we were at Applebees). Who'dathunkit that this year's student of the year, Octavia, could kick a rap?

Stats Rap

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Lyrics:

Iiiin East San Diego, born 'n' raised
@ Morse High is where I spend most of my days
chillin' out maxin', relaxin' all cool
while I'm kickin' it w/ Douggy outside of school
when a couple of girls, named Jaimee 'n' Leila
tryna hit me up inside of the Morse Code newspaper
I got in one lil' fight, 'n' my mom got mad
sayin', 'You're moving w/ your auntie 'n' uncle in Carlsbad'
I walk in Ms. Miranda's class, 302
get into the class 'n' what do I do?
learn about Stats 'n' probabilities
have fun w/ Veronica Mars 'n' especially w/ Charlie*1
post on the discussion board like everyday
tryin' the best that I can so I can get my A
but I got a B now, 'n' it's makin' me sad
doin' these friggin' warm-ups, 'n' a fast pass*2?

(*1: We do prompts from the series Veronica Mars or Numb3rs [Charlie's the main character] on the discussion board for extra credit
*2: At the last minute of class, our teacher gives us a quick question to answer before we can leave)

Havin' a diverse set of friends can be REALLY entertaining.

Swimming

2007-03-26T20:54:00.000-07:00

Swimming has been goin' well for me so far. I finally know how to swim w/o having to worry about drowning, as I know more than just the doggy paddle. Although I still don't know how to do the other strokes (butterfly, breast, 'n' back) all that well, I know how to freestyle, though not very fast, but it's still a big improvement from not ever learning how to swim properly prior to swimming season. Each day I get a lil faster, 'n' each day I get more in shape. 'n' each swimming meet where I get smoked, I get better times, but still get smoked nonetheless.

My coach is more understanding 'n' a bit more lenient than my wrestling coach, but she does have her moments, which is understandable, b/c she coaches right after her college classes. Asides from her bitchy moments, Coach is very fair 'n' knows how to teach. She also lets the swimmers skip practice unless they have a good excuse 'n' tell her beforehand. If not, you have to do 80 push ups before you start swimming.

My fellow swimmers 'n' I goof around at times to make the laps of goin' back 'n' forth for two hours fly by faster. When certain teammates aren't present at practice, the whole two hours can be very boring 'n' seem even more tiring than it really is.

Other than that, swimming's been treating me well 'n' I need to keep practicing my form, 'n' breathing. A lot of my friends say that it took them a relatively long time to get down a stroke, so I'm not worried about me not learning a butterfly kick 'n' other strokes.

Alliance

2007-03-24T14:31:00.000-07:00

As I sit on Mr. Nav.'s computer chair to print notes for my AP Stats class ('n' NOT hittin' on him, FYI), he hands me a paper w/ bold, uppercase letters GSA, which stands for Gay Straight Alliance. This was in all of the staffers' mail boxes to show, selectively, to their students. This is the first time my school has had a teacher to advise meetings of such an issue. Fortunately, there are several supportive staff, especially our new co-principal.

The first meeting was held during lunch in a science classroom of a very young teacher, Ms. S.. Lunch kicked off w/ Ms. S. tellin' us the purpose of the club, which is to stop discrimination. She then gave us a brief history of discrimination and hate crimes, but emphasized the incident of Matthew Shepard, a greusome hate crime I never knew of until now. The club then had an open forum w/ topics of what types of discrimination we've seen or have been involved w/ on campus, and what types of hate crimes we've seen on campus. As far as the discrimination 'n' hate crimes went, I mentioned a lot, but on the hate crime on gays extent, I was silent as I heard the classroom of a small number of gay/bisexual students pour out their stories. I suppose that I had little to say on that subject, b/c I've never been directly attacked for my sexuality, as all of my friends that know of my orientation are accepting (even had their perspective of gays changed for the better); but these other students have a rougher 'n' horrifying high school life, as they've been harassed 'n' beat up b/c of who they are. It has definitely opened my eyes, b/c I was unaware of these hate acts happening, so I am more than ever a big supporter of my peers.

The last topic was about how can we begin to promote tolerance on campus. Everyone couldn't think of anything else, but raise awareness 'n' "logic someone to death" if one uses the word gay in irrelevant context.

Do any of you have any suggestions as to how we can have growth of tolerance on school campus?

Classical Rock

2007-03-23T20:43:00.000-07:00

There're many reasons why I love havin' Miguel as a friend. For one, he's a really giving guy 'n' someone I can be real w/, 'n' two, he has a drum set. I've never played drums in my entire life until I first step foot in his garage. The first time I sat on the stool 'n' held the drumsticks, I was stiff 'n' felt out of place, as I didn't have much coordination w/ my hands 'n' feet; usually I'd use my palm as a bass 'n' finger knuckles as a snare when I beat on a wall or table for a beat, so this was somethin' really different. But what wasn't different was my sense of rhythm. Though I never really learned the basics, I was able to follow Miguel while he played a tune on his electric guitar. Just the other day, another friend, who's an impressive drummer 'n' has been playin' drums for years (his dad is also a drummer for a band), showed me the basics, but he couldn't do what I did: follow. He can be very technical on the drums, but when Miguel played a tune, he couldn't play on beat 'n' would make up an excuse that he only plays rock music.

After a few days, I started handling the sticks looser 'n' finally know how to use the other components of the drum set, not just the symbol, bass 'n' snare. I even made a beat that Miguel couldn't do, as it was more of a hip-hop tempo.

Here's a video of our last lil session 'n' my 6th (yes, I've counted) time I've been on his drum set:

Classical Rock

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What I love most about our sessions is the improvisation, just like what me 'n' my other friends do on the turntables, except we're using real instruments. Just being in the zone 'n' gettin' caught up in the music is such a beautiful feeling, 'n' I'm glad I have Miguel as a talented guitarist alongside w/ me as I hit the bass for his intricate string-picking. He said we should just make our own band, but I think it'll take some more time 'n' thinking to actually consider it. I still have a lot to improve (obviously), but this is somethin' I'd like to pick up 'n' learn like I did w/ piano.

Work in Progress

2007-03-17T20:43:00.000-07:00

Just going crazy. I'll finish this one w/ all 5 fingers, unlike my other one.

Though it's still in progress, I'm still open to critiques.

Not Dead - Yet

2007-03-12T00:18:00.000-07:00

So I guess this is my little obligatory apology post for not posting lately. I really do apologize if you're a regular reader here 'n' I appreciate you guys validating this blog's existence. It's not that my life has been uneventful lately, it's just that there hasn't been much internet activity for me w/ an exception of doing online tests for AP Stats, signing on Myspace 'n' a bit of chatting. Even when I do have time, I'm either out or on my bed sleeping, tired from swimming practice 'n' the gym; I go to the gym after practice w/ the little bit of energy I have left. So, to the readers: I'm not dead - maybe a bit sore from a game of Nut Ball, but not dead.

I'll leave this post w/ a really interesting video I've found of Nina Simone performing w/ her band. I just love the conga drummer's solo in it as well as the whole song.

Q: "What'd you do over there?"...A: "Stuff."

2007-03-08T20:52:00.001-08:00

One of the many activities that we did at Camp TIGHT over the weekend.

Well, it wasn't an activity the staff assigned us to do, but it was somethin' me 'n' a few guys did out of boredom.

After that hit, I talked w/ a higher pitched voice, I lost all my facial hair 'n' started developing breasts.

More info about the camp when I've time.

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio gogogoch

2007-03-07T01:00:00.000-08:00

Now say it 3 times fast.

Self Repair

2007-03-05T20:03:00.000-08:00

I've been 'n' am a self-absorbed 'n' inconsiderate fool. I don't know what it is really but I'm not happy w/ myself. B/c I'm not happy w/ myself, I'm hurting others who care for me 'n' it's apparently true when someone told me, "That pretty face doesn't match that nasty attitude." It probably could be b/c of the lack of feeling accomplished w/ anything for so long that makes me feel like such a loser. I'm not feelin' oh so social 'n' enthusiastic (this sounds really familiar) like I usually am. Also, my friends are noticin' how down I've been 'n' I really hate the feeling of friends thinking I've changed on 'em, especially when they think I'm a mean-spirited person.

I feel as if I've lead on people, giving them an image of me that I really am not. It's not that I care what people can think of me, it's just that I don't want people not knowing me for me. I've made generous friendships w/ numerous people over the years, especially in the weekend, but what makes me feel like I've lead them on is the fact that I start making another set of friends who are completely different, as if I've cheated; but that's how I am 'n' live up to my Arian ways: I start things 'n' don't pull through w/ it. I really am not maintaining friendships w/ different groups of friends b/c of the fact that I can only give so much time to each one, whether there are ten people in the group or just one. Now I feel that the attention I lack giving to them adds up 'n' leads me to this isolated feeling. I'd really hate to make these relationships turn from close to just acquaintances.

Or maybe it's b/c I haven't been completely honest w/ people lately. I get the feeling that I've been hiding things, which makes me feel that I'm not 100% w/ everyone. There are times that I feel obligated to act happy so I won't have to put others down, but really it's just hurting the both of us, b/c I'm lying to myself 'n' my friends. Also, I've been tryin' too hard to be funny when I know it's not the appropriate time, so I've been experiencing awkward silences lately; I really need to ground myself.

I really need some time to work on myself. I would really like to take a breather from the social life; I'm actually a bit glad I caught laryngitis, so I have a good excuse not to talk to people. I thought I knew who I was 'n' what I wanted for a little period of time, but I'm still such a naive, confused, impatient, ignorant, transgressive, lying, scared little kid.

Which is OK.

Camp TIGHT

2007-02-28T23:30:00.000-08:00

I forgot what the acronym for TIGHT stands for, but I can guess that after this camp, the students will become closer than ever.

Mr. Nav., (not the reason why I'm goin' to this camp) encouraged me to go to this camp to learn cultural differences. This program is held by a tall African-American 'n' obviously gay English teacher, who runs it annually. Also, the teacher from the Hungry Tiger classroom will be there to cook us some really good food.

I'm quite excited to leave tomorrow 'n' come back Sunday w/ more cultural awareness. I don't know exactly why the camp will be up in the mountains, but I won't complain, b/c it's somewhere out of San Diego 'n' there's a chance that there'll be snow in that area; I've never seen snow in my life, except for the wannabe flakes in my freezer (Har.)

So I won't be here until Sunday 'n' I'll have Doglas look after my computer. Please bear w/ him 'n' his stupid 'n' lame jokes.

Until then, everyone have a good week.

Doglas

2007-02-27T20:52:00.000-08:00

Hi, I'm Doglas, Douglas' new friend. I'm here to blog for him to inform you that he's too busy 'n' tired from school 'n' water sports (swimming). He'll be bloggin' about his boring 'n' non-adventurous days as soon as he gets the time 'n' energy. Douglas wishes you all a good day 'n' hope to keep your head up if tough times are rollin'.

JOKE TIME!

A family of tomatoes consisted of a papa tomato, a mama tomato, 'n' a baby tomato. One day they were having a tomato family walk 'n' came across a street to cross. The three ran across the street, but while they they were sprinting, the papa tomato looked behind to find that the baby tomato wasn't going fast enough. He then ran back to where the baby tomato was, stomped 'n' squished him, 'n' said, "Kechup."

Lack of Communication

2007-02-24T21:34:00.000-08:00

Today was supposed to be an eventful day.

One friend told me that she was goin' to pick me up to go to another friend's daughter's birthday party at around 5:30. Cool. It's 6. OK, runnin' a lil late, I understand. It's 7, 'n' I get a lil worried 'n' call her up. It goes straight to her voice mail. Not cool.

Another friend told me that he's goin' to pick me up to go out w/ some other friends for hukah at around 9. Cool. It's 9:30. OK, runnin' a lil late, I understand, but lemme give him a call to see what's the hold up. "Oh, we already went." Not cool.

At LEAST fucking tell me beforehand that you're not goin' to fucking come through, or any lame ass excuse, so I don't have to sit here 'n' waste my fuckin' day like I fuckin' did today.

I'm not mad, just very disappointed.

OK, I am mad.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a set of Irish Spring soap bars to eat.

(New track in profile, by the fucking way.)

Super Turtle

2007-02-23T22:12:00.000-08:00

I remember my first time havin' my backpack turtled. It was the first day of this school year when I came back from talkin' to Ms. D to find that my backpack was turned inside out. It was cute, 'n' wasn't mad b/c it was a friend of mine who did it.

In my my third period, AP Goverment, this guy Alberto tends to turtle someone's backpack whenever he sees the opportunity. Good thing I only bring my gov't book to school, as that is all that is necessary to bring 'n' is required. This goofy fella who barely passed w/ a D- this semester finally ran into karma. Today the class had to take turns presenting a book we read by sections we were assigned to read. I was second to last to present while Alberto was the guy to present the conclusion. During my presentation, he left to use the bathroom. My presentation was short, b/c I only had to cover three paragraphs, so we waited about 5 long minutes for him to come back. But Miguel made use of the time to give him a taste of his own medicine.

I couldn't believe how perfect the timing was.

Fishy

2007-02-22T18:19:00.003-08:00

I believe I swallowed about a gallons worth of chlorine water today in my first day of swimming practice. I already know I'm not a good swimmer, but at least I was in good enough shape not to get tired easily. It wasn't tiring b/c of the fact that I'd always stop every fifteen yards b/c I'd do something wrong. Breathing was the biggest problem for me. Apparently, I wasn't rotating my head to the side, b/c most of the time I tried to breathe for air, I'd end up w/ a mouth full of water. Not only was the breathing a problem for me, but staying as horizontal as I can made me really frustrated. The first few strokes after a streamline, I'd go at a fairly fast pace, but whenever I try to rotate my head to breathe, my body goes vertical.

But the coach says I was doing well 'n' learning quick, which is always good to hear. Compared to my wrestling coach, my swimming coach is more encouraging 'n' doesn't yell 'n' chastise if someone does something wrong.

Practice was fairly easy today, only b/c me 'n' a friend are beginners 'n' it's the first week of practice. I'm really lookin' forward to perfecting the basics.

The end of practice is always the best part of the day, not only b/c you're tired 'n' practice is over, but I'm in a room filled w/ guys w/ nice bodies.

Googles Goggles

2007-02-21T22:18:00.000-08:00

(Title makes no sense, but what the hey)

Today was the last day of night school 'n' swimming season started just yesterday. Tomorrow will be my first day of swimming practice, so I went to Sports Authority w/ my mommy-o to get some swimming gear. It's always fun to go shopping for sports gear, lookin' at the top-notch brand-named attire 'n' footwear that you see in commercials; but in reality, it's the person in the gear that does all of the performance, so getting expensive gear wasn't what I was lookin' for, but it just so happens that my mom's so giving that she was willing to buy me just about anything for my good grades.

Just like my first year I started wrestling, I never thought I'd buy gear for a sport that I never thought I'd be actually playing. I never would've thought that I'd be in the swimming section, looking for goggles 'n' jammers. The speedos 'n' other baggage-carrying attire were expensive 'n' knew they wouldn't be necessary until our first swim meet starts, so I just went w/ regular shorts w/ no pockets. I didn't know what kind of goggles to get, neither. My mom suggested the chameleon-styled goggles, but I already know what kind of goggles NOT to get. I ended up gettin' black Nike goggles b/c they looked simple 'n' were in the cheap range.

I also had to look for some workout clothing, b/c all of my whites, including my shorts 'n' other beaters, are now in Tijuana. (How? Well, just last week, the dryer broke. I left my wet clothes in there just to sit until it was fixed. I didn't know we were going to get a new dryer, 'n' the people that replaced the dryer didn't know that my clothes were still in the old dryer. So, w/ half of all my clothes gone, it's only logic that I get somethin' while I'm at the sports store.) While thinkin' about what I should get to work out in, I remembered my beater ripped while working out on Saturday at the gym. I saw the Under Armour section 'n' thought they looked pretty cool to work out in. I remember watching the commercials overemphasizing how great an athlete's performance will be if he/she wore these skin tight shirts. I also remember the first commercial I saw w/ the pop warner football players in a bus w/ Under Armour gear. The leader was a young, strong kid w/ this black Under Armour shirt, 'n' for a kid that young, he looked friggin' swole when he flexed at the end. At that moment, I knew I had to get some Under Armour gear. Plus, I need somethin' more reliable than beaters when I work out, so the guy working out next to me wouldn't think I passed gas. I got the same shirt that that kid in the commercial wore, 'n' it was probably the same size, b/c that kid must've been raised on steroids.

While ringing up all the gear at the cash register, I turn around to find my mom holding a hula hoop. I jokingly told her to buy it, but she was serious about it. I asked her if she even knew how to use it. She said she did, 'n' said, "Here, look." She put the hoop around her waist 'n' started thrusting her hips. Thank goodness we were the last customers of the night 'n' they were closing, b/c she then said, "I even put it around my neck," 'n' put the hoop around her neck 'n' did the damn thing. I yelled, "OK, MOM, YOU KNOW HOW TO HULA HOOP!" The guys at the register were laughin' their asses off 'n' I lead my mom to the door, w/ the hoop still around her neck.

After buying clothes from the store, I tend to put them on when I get back home, 'n' today was no exception.

I wouldn't make a good Aquaman, b/c I'd just end up eatin' all the fish in the sea.

I believe this looks more stylish than beaters 'n' it really flatters my fat body.

I wish it made me look as buff as the guys in the commercials. :(

Down

2007-02-20T19:51:00.000-08:00

Lately I haven't been feelin' all so enthusiastic like I usually am. I can tell that anyone within my negative aura are down, and they just have to ask what's wrong w/ me. I'm not really sure what it is, but I'm always in my own head, constantly thinking 'n' thinking. Every night my brain gives out rapid trains of random thoughts, but I seem to find a pattern. Each time I think, I'm always w/ someone. Whenever there's a thought of me smiling, it's b/c someone else made me smile. Even the thought of being sad w/ someone gives me a more comfortable mood than I do right now in reality. I'm not making reality my friend right now, but the pillow in my grasp every night gets the attention I wanna give to someone 'n' it won't do likewise. I need to start thinking positive about the single life again.

Revised Intro

2007-02-19T16:42:00.000-08:00

One might look at a blank sheet of college ruled paper and see nothing more than blue lines, horizontally placed, from left to right. They may see a razor blade as a simple hair removal mechanism or even view something as simple as a pencil as nothing more than a mere tool for writing essays and erasing errors. But imagine if one saw this mere blank sheet of paper and visualized it as a blank canvas, begging to be enlightened and immortalized with words, colorful metaphors, and evangelical similes, this simple razor blade as a kneaded eraser, used to carefully depilate the individual follicles within an object, or a pencil as an establisher, turning a page into a moving, enthralling, conception, which like all things, take time to become beautiful. Art is a tool that we use every single day. It is something that allows us to communicate the feelings we have within, into the physical world. Art is a form of self expression that combines the old world charm of a Picasso, with the more modern, pop-art culture style of a Warhol. Without art, one's outlook of life would be dull. Life as we know it would be dull. Without art, one would not be able to appreciate the reds found in roses, the greens seen in grass, the yellow immortalized in the sun, or the blue swimming in the deepest of oceans. Art encompasses a person's emotions and beliefs. It has no laws, no rules, it is universal, and is one of very few things in school that does not have one correct answer. It is evident that Art should be a necessity in schools, rather than an option, because…

Only reason why I changed it up is b/c my brother saved over my file document.

Weekend Events

2007-02-19T10:32:00.000-08:00

I had a great weekend of spending time w/ friends 'n' family 'n' esp. putting off homework. Thank goodness it's some president's birthday today, so I can work my procrastination skills. I won't get in too depth of how my weekend went, b/c I don't wanna bore my readers more than I already do. So, uhh...PICTURE TIME!!!

While workin' out at the gym, I heard 'n' a rip from my beater. A guy working out to my right looked at me 'n' smiled, thinkin' I "ripped one." Luckily for him, it wasn't gas, but my beater.

Went to a good friend's 19th b-day party.

Went to another good friend's 19th b-day party.

Had fun w/ some alumni from my school. College kids are fun to be around w/.

Thanks to my wheel-spinning skills, I won a ticket for two for an advanced screening of Reno 911: Miami. I can't friggin' wait!!!

Cousins from Washington visited w/ their boyfriends.

While hanging out in my house w/ my cousins, my mom's friend knocked on my door tellin' me that they saw someone in a car drop off a dog 'n' drove off. When I went outside looking for it, I saw a little shadow about fifty feet away under a street light. I called for it 'n' the shadow ran towards me. This little fella was so friendly 'n' started lickin' my hands. Unfortunately, my mom won't allow any dogs in the house, b/c it's enough havin' to take care of me. Eventually, we found someone to take care of him. 'n' yes, that's a remote control in my pocket.

Blast From the Past: Minnie Ripperton

2007-02-18T21:33:00.001-08:00

THIS is soul! THIS is talent! THIS is music! WTF happened nowadays?!

(Haven't been postin' lately b/c I've been out 'n' tired)

$9 = Cool Stuff

2007-02-15T20:32:00.001-08:00

I haven't had a new style haircut for a while, as I am a stubborn person 'n' am really comfortable w/ my size 2 on top 'n' 0.5 on the side fade haircut. My hair has gotten long enough to put gel on it to make it look spiked. I haven't put gel on my hair since 8th grade, b/c I thought I'd look too Asian. Like art, I felt like steppin' out of my comfort zone 'n' try something new - well, this haircut isn't really anything new; it's still the fade style, but my hair is long enough to put gel on it to look spiked. My hair was cut by a new lady in the barbershop. Like all new barbers in the barbershop I go to that cut my hair, I'm skeptic of how they cut until they cut my hair. This Filipino woman aged at least in her mid-30s had the privilege of touching my weird-shaped dome/canvas to work on her art. I must say, she did a really good job. I trust her to touch my hair in the future. I gave her an extra dollar to the eight for the good work she has done.

I'd also like to show off my new shirt that everyone ordered in my AP Statistics class. Half of the class got the I *heart* Stats shirt while the other got the I *heart* Numb3rs shirt, either black or white. The shirts were way worth the nine dollars.

I wore the shirt today 'n' was most certainly the only cool kid on campus.

The Challenge

2007-02-15T18:24:00.000-08:00

WTH?! Today's Thursday???? Triiip.

Anyway, Valentine's day went fine, excluding the breakup. I felt like I was bein' overwhelmed as Eric kept gettin' mad at me for not calling him constantly. He's really not respecting my space 'n' time, which is very essential to me. It's like he's got me on a leash, 'n' it has only been a week. Yeesh.

Anyway, I spent my Valentines w/ the diet/exercise group at BJ's Chicago style restaurant to celebrate David's 18th birthday. The night was filled w/ weird games to pass up the time for our pizza. I introduced the Zoom game 'n' the stop-the-spinning-coin-in-it's-place game. The STSCITP game was fun - well, at least for me, b/c it was funNY watchin' them get frustrated when the coin gets flat when they put their fingertip on it.

Dave attempts to halt the spinning quarter. Too bad he didn't succeed the whole night. What's even sadder is that our waitress got it on her first try before everyone but me.

Jaimee got it! Candid pic, too. Leilani is dumbfounded.

For dessert, we ordered a Pizookie; not a bazooka, but a Pizookie. This piece of art work/disaster was at least a foot 'n' a half in diameter 'n' had seven scoops of vanilla ice cream. The cookie was half white chocolate, half chocolate chip. We were looked at as celebrities as the plate of sugar was set on our tables.

At first, we were really happy when we first saw the Pizookie on our table, as if it were heaven on a plate; but after about ten bites, it became an endurance contest. Leilani 'n' Jaimee were the first to quit. It reminded me of our Saturday runs as I encouraged Leilani 'n' Jaimee to keep eating 'n' not to quit. I told them not to quit when they've gone so far. But, like in our runs, they quit. Then it was just me 'n' David to go for the home plate, but this was just too much. I felt like throwin' up 'n' started gettin' a brain-freeze from the ice cream. The plate started to look more intimidating, as it taunted us w/ it's doughy goodness 'n' melting ice cream. It was just too much. We failed. I bring dishonor to my family.

After BJ's, the four of us succeeded in walking to Barnes 'n' Nobles. While the group was giggling while reading the Sex Bible, I was in a little corner reading this thick, square, soft-covered book of art 'n' the artists. David saw how into it I was 'n' asked if I wanted it. I did, I really did, 'n' he bought it for me. It was way too nice of him. I should be the one getting him a book, since it was his birthday. They ended up not buying the Sex Bible, though, which is weird b/c they seemed like they were really into it like I was into the art book.

I came home at 8 'n' knocked the hell out, then woke up at 6 this morning. I had a dream a chocolate chip cookie flavored ice cream was eating me.

The Price For Being a Friend

2007-02-13T22:01:00.000-08:00

My 3-day weekend started off well 'n' ended horribly, sorta.

Saturday was spent w/ a good friend, Mike, who just got out of jail. He was caught for shooting at enemy gang members right on my street. I was inside my house at the time watching TV w/ my mom. He didn't hit anyone, but did get busted a couple blocks down. Now that he's out, Mike's trying to pull his life together by focusing on his music 'n' work hard in trying to get into a music school. Saturday morning, he picked me up to go to his house to record a track. No, I didn't rap, but I did beatbox for him to rap on. I have to say, it's a pretty hot track 'n' I'll post it as soon as he gets it uploaded.

Later that afternoon, I went up North w/ my oldest brother, his g/f 'n' her little brother to finally meet my long lost half-sister that found my bro via Myspace. It was a trip seeing someone that was basically kept a secret from me 'n' my brothers for 23 years. I wasn't nervous, but rather excited to see her. Bein' the impressionable kid that I am, I greeted her w/ a lithp, but I eventually started talking w/ my real voith. She is a beautiful girl. She definitely got her looks from my "father," as he is a really handsome fellow, but I can also compare her nose to her mother's. Her boyfriend is adorable, 'n' pretty scruffy for a Filipino along w/ a deep voice. Things must run in the family b/c my sister 'n' I can talk about weird topics 'n' have my comedian of a brother ice the cake of a funny conversation. We also had our serious conversations concerning our interrelationship as a family 'n' about our transgressive father. My sister never had the chance to see him, as she was a product of a one-night stand, but she's really eager to just see him to know what he looks like, just out of curiosity.

Sunday was enjoyed by gettin' a random IM on AIM from Mike for some breakfast, since he was in the area. After gorging ourselves into some carne asada fries 'n' rolled tacos, Mike, randomly again, asked if I wanted to go to church w/ him. I was down w/ the idea b/c it'd be nice to go to a Christian church 'n' compare it to the church I used to go to. The pastor in this church was way more energetic, 'n' there were no sitting up and down routines like there was at my old church. No need to go on our knees, but to just listen to the word the man was preaching. The theme that he spoke of was about "bouncing back"; getting your life together. I knew for a fact that it hit my friend Mike directly, b/c he really does need to get his life straighten up 'n' stop messin' around. I really enjoyed my time there just listening 'n' nodding my head as the pastor used such an enthusiastic tone of voice 'n' also seeing Mike nod as head too, but just a wee bit embarrassed when people turned to look back at me 'n' Mike when he was laughing a wee bit enthusiastically himself.

Monday was supposed to be a night out to watch a good friend, London AKA Proverb the Poet, compete in a poetry slam downtown. It's just too bad that as I gave Mike the address 'n' London's cell number, he erased our conversation on his Sidekick. We went downtown anyway as an attempt to try to find this place, but the mission was a failure. So me, Mike, his other girlfriend Jerry, 'n' his cell mate KP went to Clairemont to play some billiards. Even though he's on parole, KP wanted to pick up a sack of Maryjane. Bad idea.

After our game of billiards, we headed to College Avenue to pick up the illegal drugs for KP. Mike already warned us that the neighborhood is territory to his enemy gang (which I will not mention b/c I know a few from that set), 'n' told KP to make the business quick. It was ten in the evening 'n' had school the next day. Mike is driving 'n' a bit under the influence 'n' his 'lil missy was too lazy to drive. I couldn't drive b/c I didn't have my license 'n' KP was too busy singing over my beatbox. As we pulled up to KP's friend's house in a very shady lookin' neighborhood w/ so sign of life or light, we already see a black Civic (idk if it was actually black b/c it was too damn dark 'n' I was a bit tipsy myself) 'n' four guys in the driveway across the street drinkin'. Mike's drunk-ass was already gettin' belligerent when he doesn't even know who these guys are, sayin' things like, "Man, fuck dem niggas. Niggas don't want beef, cuhz." Luckily the windows were down, but I'm sure they could see the reflection off of his glasses from across the street.

As KP came back from doing business, one of the guys across the street shouted, "Where you from, loc?!" I wasn't surprised that any of 'em said something to us b/c they've been starin' at our Expedition the whole time. My awareness sharpened as I got a bit nervous as Mike rolled down his window to say somethin' fucking stupid.

"This mothafuckin' _ _ _, cuhz, where you from?!"

"_ _ _?! This is (other gang name)!"

Apparently they were from an enemy set of Mike's. He got out the car, then I followed along w/ an empty 40oz. bottle 'n' KP gave Mike's 'lil missy the weed sack to hold 'n' went out of the car 'n' reached into his pocket. I knew this was stupid at the time, but I couldn't hold Mike back for shit no matter how much sense I can talk to him. I already know, this wasn't the first time it has happened. It was 5 against 3. We met in the middle of the street 'n' Mike starts swinging on a guy about his height. KP ran ahead of me 'n' swung awkwardly at two guys in the face. I didn't understand why the two guys backed down so easily when it looked like KP just slapped them; but I remembered KP showing me his rectangular razor blade back in the billiard room, saying that he'll only use it to make things fair if he's in a situation where there isn't an equal fight. As Mike was handling his own fight, I saw a guy coming from behind 'n' I blindsided him w/ a tackle. I got his legs from behind, 'n' to my surprise, lifted him up easily. I would've thought this guy was heavy, but he was lighter than the guys I've wrestled in league matches. The bottle that I brought out was of no use apparently as I got this guy on the ground 'n' havin' KP handle him. I saw that Mike was handling two guys by himself; one of them was the guy that had his whole face swallowed by blood, but they eventually got him on the gravel. I ran for Mike's help as his 'lil missy was in the driver's seat, yelling for us to come back before the police come. I ran 'n' gave a clean one to the jaw to one of the guys kicking Mike in the face, making him stumble to the ground. The adrenaline was just rushing as I stomped a guy's face belonging to a guy that I don't even know; a guy that I've never met in my life; a guy who was probably a good kid that just made the wrong decisions to lead him up to this moment of where the sole of my right shoe is connecting w/ his dome. He was done. Out.

'Lil missy was still yelling for us to come back in. I saw that Mike 'n' KP were doing their own stomping on one of the guys. It was brutal. Though it was dark, I can just make out the anger in Mike 'n' KP's eyes as they made their shoes 'n' that guy's face connect like legos. I shouted for them to get back in the ride before the police comes. I jumped in the back 'n' KP did likewise. Mike ran to the front, 'n' as soon as he closed his door, I heard somethin' like a screen door like mine's being banged on really, really hard but in fast motion. I didn't want to look back as the three of us guys ducked down while Mike's 'lil missy pushed the gas break pedal. I knew it was one of the guys that went back into their house to get back a gun.

We heard more gun shots as we made a quick left turn off of the street that we were on. We sped off to the freeway, which was, fortunately, very close. I saw Mike's face, bloody on the temple, swollen on the left side of his forehead, pebbles from the gravel on his left cheek 'n' a pair of glasses nowhere to be found on him. KP was fine, as was I. KP asked for a rag to wipe the blood off of his blade. The blade was dark red 'n' I saw it drip on his blue, crisp pants. His right hand was bloody, but he kept a straight act. Mike was still acting stupid, but angry at KP for leading us to that part of town. KP apologized, but Mike, who was still probably drunk, was still heated. Mike's 'lil missy, who was so short that it looked like she had to look over the steering wheel, kept quiet, asking him what to do. He couldn't think straight b/c he knew he was fucked as soon as his PO finds out what happened to his face. His best solution: Take everyone home. I was really relieved, as I really had to go home before I got my mom worried, which I was most concerned about than my hurt friend.

The ride back home was full of nothing but shouting, cussing 'n' chastising. I didn't get yelled at, but I kept quiet. KP still kept his cool, looking almost nonchalant even as Mike yelled just one inch away from his face. Eventually it sounded like Mike was the only one talking, in his own world, like he was a belligerent senile.

I arrived back home, safe, but I can hear a ring in my ear from all the shouting. I said my farewells 'n' had my round of handshakes. Mike thanked me for havin' his back, literally, 'n' promised that he'll never try to get me mixed w/ his life again. I said it was OK, but in reality, it wasn't; I could've gotten killed 'n' would never be able to kiss my mom before I go to sleep. The Expedition drove off as I was left in my driveway, smellin' like 211. Luckily I had bought some gum in the liquor store prior going to the billiard room. I put two sticks of Winterfresh gum in my mouth, breathed in deep 'n' exhaled out slowly, walked around my driveway a bit to hopefully get some of the smell off of me (which most likely didn't work, but thought it'd help at the time), 'n' walked up the stoop. As I opened the door, my mom greeted me, smiling, asking how the poetry event went. I said it was fine. I brushed my teeth, got on the computer for a bit 'n' KO'd.

What felt better than knocking out on my bed knowing that I just got home from almost being killed was remembering that I was finished w/ my homework for AP Government.

The Price for Being a Friend

2007-02-12T23:25:00.001-08:00

Got into a rumble 'n' got shot at on College Avenue. Update tomorrow. Doubt it'll be on the news, though, b/c anything from the area doesn't surface to the media.

Haaaaaah

2007-02-11T21:45:00.001-08:00

A cannibal who was eating a clown said to his friend, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Intro

2007-02-10T09:41:00.000-08:00

One may look at a blank sheet of college ruled paper and see nothing more than blue lines, horizontally placed, from left to right. But I see it as a blank canvas, begging to be enlightened and immortalized with words, colorful metaphors, and evangelical similes all blending to form a beautifully written piece of artwork. One may look at a razor blade as just a hair removal mechanism. But I see it as a kneaded eraser, carefully depilating the individual follicles, shaping a scruffy beard into a groomed art piece. One may look at a pencil and see nothing more than a tool used for writing essays and erasing errors, but I see it as an establisher turning a blank page of paper into a moving, enthralling conception which, like all things that take time to become beautiful, started off with one stroke. Without art, the outlook of life can be dull, as one may interpret the color red as just red instead of an emotion of anger and/or passion, or a vacant lot as just a vacant lot instead of going beyond the lot and looking at it as a field where kids can play football, go skateboarding or engage in other various athletic activities. A boulder is just a boulder until it is chipped into a beautiful sculpture; the boulder, like any nonliving object in the world, has potential to become art. With the help of my dedicated and patient art teacher, my outlook of life has been altered in a creative way in which I never thought I could fathom prior to taking art class. An art course, whether it is a visual or performing art, should be mandatory rather than an option in all levels of education. It is necessary to make the art course mandatory for the benefit of improving scholastic standards as well as raising student academic achievement for the purpose of attaining a more creative outlook on life.

Critiques? Grammatical errors? Suggestions so far???

Wow.

2007-02-09T21:51:00.001-08:00

This & that.

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Cute, Huh?

2007-02-08T06:09:00.000-08:00

His name's not Joey, but it is Eric.

He's not feminine; he just works at Abercrombie 'n' Fitch.

He has very beautiful homegirls (girl-friends) that are down-to-earth.

He's a college student, 'n' he's silly, but not sillier than me.

He's athletic (volleyball player 'n' member of the Ping Pong club back at his high school).

And he's not single.

He's mine.

Rotten Banana

2007-02-07T17:13:00.000-08:00

This semester in human psychology, we will be covering life skills 'n' the likes. My teacher pulled out a female condom (unused) from her drawer to show the class what it looks like. 'Twas huge, lubricated 'n' intimidating. Then Ms. D pulled out a banana 'n' a tuxedo condom, which, disappointingly, didn't have a tuxedo design w/ a bow tie like I expected to have. The teacher asked for a volunteer to show the appropriate way to put on a condom in front of the class for extra credit. A couple of girls were very anxious to try it, but Ms. D wouldn't let 'em. I rose my hand b/c it's always nice to have extra points 'n' I like bananas. Justifiable, right?

Practice Practice Practice

2007-02-06T21:53:00.000-08:00

I hate it when I'm in a good mood sometimes, b/c I tend not to refuse a friend's favor. Two of my friends at school are holding a talent show - at the end of the month - for their senior capstone project. Feelin' a bit pressured, I said yes. I kinda regret it b/c I don't have much talent to perform in front of an audience, 'n' a beatboxing routine is out of the picture, as there are too many kids doin' that nowadays 'n' I don't have my DJ setup to perform w/ my friends (I don't want to perform w/ them anyway). I promised myself that I'd take a lot of risks 'n' do new things in this year ('n' I've had an eventful first month, if I do say so myself) 'n' thought I'd try singin'. I've never sang in front of an audience 'n' I only feel confident in the shower, but I'd like to test myself in front of an audience. The song that I feel most comfortable w/ singing is "Just Friends" by Musiq Soulchild. I've been in love w/ this song since the first time I've heard it 'n' is my all-time favorite shower song.

I never thought that singing would be so difficult. It's like art; for a nice 'n' intricate piece, you have to blend in notes 'n' all that other singer vocab. I don't know, but it sure is fun. So here's a video of me practicin' so I can get some honest feedback/critiquing from more experienced singers 'n' also to show a bit of my goofy side; a lil sample of how I really am. 'n' oh, this goes out to hot momma blogga, Sue!

I know there're some things I have to work on, like the high pitches 'n' breaths, but I think I can smoothen those up, plus my mom was in the living room outside of my door dancing while sweeping, so I get distracted. Here's another excuse: I was nervous. Now I can only imagine how I'll be like in front of a crowd. Eep.

Thanks for lettin' me make your ears bleed.

Freedom of Speech

2007-02-05T21:28:00.000-08:00

Typing My Way to $$$

2007-02-04T16:35:00.000-08:00

I could be watching the Superbowl, but my team (Chargers) aren't playin' b/c we were shy one field goal kick (thanks Kaeding) in our last playoff game 'n' I'm also constructing an essay for a scholarship for $10,000. Even though my team isn't playin', the commercials are always worth watching, especially the beer-sponsored ones. The inundation of money put into those 20-something second commercials really do make me laugh when people are getting slapped in the face w/ the same exact sound effect the whole time. But this essay is more important. Though I'm not goin' to a university, I feel like it's worth a shot to get free money. I'm really grateful to be in a state where various grants are offered and I hate to pass up free money.

The topic of the essay is about what course that's not mandatory should be mandatory and why. I chose art to be taught as a core class. I have a lot to say about art in general, but I want this essay to really convince the judges why it should be by giving hard evidence of academic succession through art-integrated courses. Talking about this is harder than I thought 'n' it has taken me a great deal of time just thinking about the conspectus of this essay. Thank goodness I have until March 1st to submit it 'n' have a great set of teachers as well as friends to help revise it.

As I read the past winners of the scholarship, I feel like this can be very possible for me to win. Wish me luck. 'n' oh, if you want, you can throw down some ideas to help. ;)

Classical Meets Hip Hop

2007-02-02T12:56:00.000-08:00

I've always wondered who that crazy-haired violinist lady was in that Twista video, "Overnight Celebrity" 'n' I finally found out her name. Miri Ben-Ari's can make her violin sing as she plays it over hip hop beats, givin' the beat a very original sample rather than havin' samples derived from old school R&B songs. I'd just like to share a perfect example of hip hop music collaborating w/ other types of music. Enjoy.

TGIF

2007-02-02T12:34:00.000-08:00

Woohoo!!! Today is the last day of the semester 'n' it feels like I'm on vacation.

I feel like I did fairly well altogether in my finals.

1st per. Hum. Psych: Just watched Crash for the whole two hours b/c our final was a home project due on that day.

2nd per. Art: Worked on art for two hours, 'n' had fun annoyin' the crap outta Ms. Mac.

3rd per. AP Gov't: Had a whole scantron to fill up w/ 100 questions. I believe I did fairly well.

4th per. English: Cheated.

5th per. AP Statistics: The class average of the final was 50% 'n' our teacher gave us a chance for her to consider curving our grade if 95% of the class properly analyze our test scores while applying what we learned throughout the semester. It wasn't much of a I'm-on-my-knees-'n'-begging-you-to-bring-up-my-grade kind of essay, though, but a lot did write such a prompt.

6th per. AP Home period: Went home. I think I did well on that one.

Now I can go teen gallivanting.

Dangiddidanggididang

2007-02-01T20:30:00.000-08:00

"Right away you say, okay, I'm sorry, BANG! BANG! BANG! No I'm not."

His accent is stronger than his punches.

Dumb Blonde

2007-02-01T19:05:00.000-08:00

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person.

Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."

Finals

2007-01-31T20:43:00.000-08:00

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RHOMBUS!

2007-01-31T17:55:00.000-08:00

They need to make a series of this.

Those Were the Days

2007-01-30T17:15:00.000-08:00

This is a bulletin that was posted up on Myspace:

IF YOU GREW UP IN THE 90'S U GOTTA READ THIS

Anybody under the age of 13 should not read this, and if you do, you should not repost this.

Just because you were born in '97 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid.

It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons. I am sorry but three conscious years of the 90's just wont cut it.

You're a 90's kid if:

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE"

You remember TGIF on ABC. Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.

"Miss Susie had a steam boat, the steam boat had a bell ding ding..miss suzie went to heaven the steamboat went to hell_o operator give me number 9 and if you disnconnect me i'll kick you from behind the fridgerator, there was a piece of glass, miss suzie sat upon it and broke her little ass_k me no more questions, tell me no more lies the boys are in the bathroom zipping up their flies, are in the city the bees are in the park .......................... miss suzie and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K- D-A-R-K D-A-R-K dark dark dar dar da dark"

You remember when Kurt Cobain, 2Pac, River Phoenix, and Selena died.

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.

You danced to "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls, Females: had a new motto, Males: got a whole lot gay-er.

You remember the banning of slap bracelets.

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...Not...

You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record "Your FAVORITE song of ALL time"

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? was both a game and a TV game show.

Captain Planet.

You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green Ranger were meant to be together.

When playing power rangers with friends you fought over who got to be who............and still all ended up being Tommy.

You remember when super nintendo's became popular.

You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos... but never taped anything funny.

You remember watching home alone 1, 2 , and 3........and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"

When you have played and beaten mario brothers/duck hunt.

You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates

if you memeber when every thing was "da BOMB"

when they made the new lunchables so that you could make tacos and pizza!!

"Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons, all down her back, back, back" SHE ASKED HER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER FOR FIFTY CENTS CENTS CENTS TO SEE THE ELEPHANTS PHANTS PHANTS JUMP OVER THE FENCE THE FENCE THE FENCE
he jumped so high high high he touched the sky sky sky and he didnt come back back back til the forth of july ly ly he jumped so low ow ow he stubbed his toe toe toe and thats the end end end of the elephants show show show

You remember boom boxes vs. cd players

Writing M.A.S.H. notes. (and the twenty different versions of that)

Making those little paper fortune cookie things.. and then predicting your life with them.

You remember New Kids on The Block when they were cool

And You Were Obsessed with either 'Nsync or Backstreet Boys. But never NEVER both...

You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell"

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere

You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.

You watched the original Care Bears, My Little Pony, and Ninja Turtles.

Yikes pencils and erasers were the stuff!

All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.(pencils.notebooks.binders.etc.)

You remember when the new Beanie Babies and talking Elmo were always sold out.

and when trey hollingsworth was a pimp wait he still is in 2006 yeah

You collected those Beanie Babies.

You used to wear those stick on earings, not only on your ears, but at the corners of your eyes.

You remember a time before the WB.

You owned a portable tape player.

If you even know what an original walkman is.

You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.

You watched Rugrats (BEFORE All Grown Up), Hey Arnold, Pete & Pete, The Adventures of Alex Mack, Allen Strange and Sheby Woo.

Animorphs.

You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

You know the Macarena by heart.

"Talk to the hand" ... enough said

You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"

You went to McD's to play in the playplace.

You remember playing on merry go rounds...at the play ground.

You remember dreaming to be on a Nickelodeon game show: Double Dare, Nick Arcade, GUTS, Legends of the Hidden Temple, Fun House, Figure It Out...and you wanted that green ooze to fall on you

Remember and You Cant Do That On Television where getting slimed first started!

Do You Love Orange Soda? Kel Loves Orange Soda.. Yes I doo I doo I doooo00000000000

When we were younger:

Before the MySpace frenzy...

Before the Internet & text messaging...

Before Sidekicks & iPods...

Before MIKE JONES...

Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX...

...Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.

When light up sneakers were cool.

When you bought EVERYTHING at Limited Too

When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.

When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie.

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.

When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.

When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.

Way back.

when it was all about N64.

Before we realized all this would eventually disappear

Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!!!!

Post this in your bulletin if you remember these days ....
If you grew up in the 90's you've gotta read this

Sinful Temptation

2007-01-29T18:08:00.000-08:00

I believe my mom doesn't love me. I think she has some master plan of fattening me up to kill 'n' eat me for the next Thanksgiving dinner. It could be a mother thing when they hate seein' their children get thinner b/c they think they're bein' malnourished, or maybe they have a contingent plan of killin' their plumped up child(ren) for a feast when the world ends 'n' there's nothing to eat 'cept for the fat/meat-storing body of young sacrifice of their own flesh 'n' blood. I don't blame 'em, b/c cannibalism sounds like somethin' I'd wanna try, just so long as I'm not eating myself.

Ever since I've joined wrestling in 10th grade, my mom has noticed my drastic weight loss (esp. the time period I dropped 15 lbs. in a week). When I'd have to make weight before a match, she'd try to shove all types of food down my throat. My mentality during the season made me think food was the bad guy only b/c I didn't know how to diet correctly as an athlete. Her concern for my weight was understandable, but she didn't like it b/c she said I looked ugly thinner.

Now that weight loss 'n' dieting isn't MY concern, the influx of food that my mom buys/cooks me was never denied, whether the food was healthy or not. I remember I'd have to whine for her to buy me ice cream 'n' other desserts, but b/c she still thinks I'm "too" skinny, she almost encourages me to eat anything, just as long as I'm eating, period. Now I'm eating chocolate Extreme Moose Tracks Premium ice cream w/o a care in the world. This tub o' goodness consists of chocolate ice cream w/ chocolate butter cups 'n' fudge, plus I'm scoopin' the ice cream w/ a Chips Ahoy soft cookies instead of a spoon. To top things off, she even got a vanilla tub of the same brand. If eating really unhealthy is a bad sin, I won't be surprised if I burn in the lakes of fire after I drown in gallons of ice cream.

Doug Dog

2007-01-28T00:29:00.000-08:00

S: for some reason, I could see you
S: bouncing up and down running circles around my feet
S: much like a puppy
S: tripping me every time i take a step
S: LOL
Me: lol
Me: wait, is that a good or bad thing?
S: its cute
S: until its annoying and i kick u
S: hahahaha
S: trying not to step on u is the hard part
S: but then when u do, you hear the puppy squeal and you feel like shit

That was the cutest analogy ever used on me.

Saturday Run

2007-01-27T10:19:00.000-08:00

The diet/exercise group gets smaller by the week. Today there was only David 'n' I. Octavia straight up told us that she didn't want to go, 'n' I appreciate her honesty. The two cheerleaders had to lie their way out. I wasn't mad, but a little disappointed, yet I found their excuses ridiculously funny. First we called Jaimee 'n' found that her phone was off. OK, fine, let's try Leilani's. Jaimee picks up her phone. Apparently they slept in someone's house together after cheering for a basketball game last night, which is understandable. But what made things unbelievable was when we asked where they were at 'n' Jaimee suddenly started sounding weak 'n' says, "I don't know." HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHERE YOU'RE AT?! At least know the area you're in. I mean, I can understand you don't know where you're at in Mexico, but not knowing where you're at is just ridiculous. Then she claims that she's sick, 'n' her voice starts gettin' weaker 'n' still dodges our question of her whereabouts, but she's apparently w/ Leilani. We were in front of Jaimee's house while we were talkin' to her 'n' I can hear Leilani in the background say, "W/e you do, don't come to my house, no matter what!" as if the world was goin' to explode if we rang her doorbell. Then all of a sudden the person on the other line is a different person, who is Arielle, another cheerleader friend. She ended up apologizing for them while I heard Jaimee in the background, "Can I use your bathroom?" Cheerleaders are funny.

It was OK that the whole group wasn't there, it's just that I wish we could all do this together so we can be on the same track. B/c it was just me 'n' Dave, our run was more productive 'n' faster now that the girls weren't there to slow us down. I'm not trying to be mean, but it's the truth; at one point there's always someone (never David) that stops to walk 'n' claim that they can't breathe. C'mon now, you're still walkin'. You can't not breathe 'n' be walking. It was good to have David run 'n' try to keep up w/ my pace, but he had to stop two times, each time right after sprinting up a hill, which is totally understandable. Other than that, he was a trooper 'n' didn't stop for our whole twenty-minute run at Chollas Lake. I was proud to see him push himself harder 'n' I had a proud, fuzzy coach feeling when I saw him throw up in a dumpster; It's times like this that makes the effort put in worthwhile.

Every week we run there, we find somethin' new, esp. the new trails that lead us to different areas of the Lake which we were totally unaware of.

David weeping for the beautiful sunset.

If I remembered the rule of thirds, this would've looked nicer.

Ducky swimming away from duck-hungry David.

Skinny dipping platform.

Mini amphitheater we found during our walk on the new trail.

Raunchy torture device.

Pensive gorilla.

"My children."

This duck/dinosaur is too cool for the other ducksters.

I believe this duck has seen so many dogs in it's stay at the lake that it obtained some dog traits. I call it a Durkey.